


Do you believe in Love?

by Black_Dawn, CrushedRose



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Help, Late Night Conversations, Lies, Love, M/M, Memories, Nightmares, Songs, Sorrow, after tfp, before TFP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9636272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Dawn/pseuds/Black_Dawn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrushedRose/pseuds/CrushedRose
Summary: “Liar! Liar! Liar!  The little child screamed relentlessly at him, her long grey hair framing her face, the deep chocolate eyes scorching in to his soul, her face covered by blood running down her face."Mycroft cried out into the dark, sweat running down his face.  Another one.  Another nightmare.





	1. Do you believe in love?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a personal request from me and Daynaan. When I started out with this venture with my lovely writing companion, I never for once imagined that not only would she become a wonderful writing partner, but also a lovely friend. I can tell you one thing though, my music experience increased a great deal, and when you read these chapters, read the lyrics too, I'm sure you all are, but listen to them, put the earbuds in and live it with us (and with Greg and Mycroft)   
> Lastly, thank you for taking time out of your schedules to read and live this with us.   
> Much love.
> 
> CrushedRose & Daynaan

**Do you believe in love?**

**Chapter 1**

That was the night Mycroft’s world imploded.  He wasn't the ‘Iceman’ anymore, he felt so guilty, so scared, and so lonely.  
When Sherlock had the gun in his hands, forced to choose, between his brother and his best friend, he realized it was time to do the right thing.  He needed to tell Sherlock the right words to save John Watson, the only man whom his little brother has ever cared about.  And Sherlock understood everything, not for the Queen and The Country, but for them.  His brother understood and Mycroft have never been more proud than in that moment.

  
Then it all went wrong.  
His baby brother decided to put a different card on the table, to change the game. He put the gun under his chin…  
Ten... What is he doing?  
Nine…Brother mine, don’t.  
Eight… This isn’t a game!  
Seven… Stop!  
Six… Please.  
It stopped, he remembered Sherlock falling backward and John following, he saw the dart in Sherlock’s finger as he fell.  They were drugged.  Eurus stopped the game.  Losing consciousness he hoped his brother would be okay.

  
Mycroft was imprisoned in an aseptic cell... waiting….just waiting….waiting… to die...  
He didn't count the hours; he fell asleep... waiting for death to claim him   
But fate wrote a different chapter in his book of life…

  
Sherlock planned everything, he had an ace in the hole...if you can't count on the secret service, you can always count on Scotland Yard's best detectives, if they didn't hear any news after a set hour they had to take the control of Sherrinford fortress and find them.   Detective Lestrade, always ready to help his brother.  The one man who hasn’t let him down.  
   
So the man who was waiting to die, the man who once thought that caring was not an advantage, heard a rumbling of noise outside the door and then the door open with an explosion, policemen entered and after them a familiar face, brown eyes and a bright smile, Lestrade ran towards him: “Hey Mycroft, finally I’ve found you.  Are you ok? Let's go out of here!”  Mycroft surrounded to the comfort of the Detective, allowing him to help him get out of the wretched cell.

oOo oOo  
   
“Liar! Liar! Liar!  The little child screamed relentlessly at him, her long grey hair framing her face, the deep chocolate eyes scorching in to his soul, her face covered by blood running down her face.  
Mycroft cried out into the dark, sweat running down his face.  Another one.  Another nightmare.  It was getting more difficult to remind him, he was safe, in the hospital with guards outside his door.

  
The nightmare was always the same. He refused to talk to a therapist sent by his office, and after what happened to John he strongly denied any sort of help from outside.  The problem was the without authorisation from his superiors, he won’t be able to return to work. .  
He looked at the time, the soft light on his phone. Two o'clock in the morning may be someone was still awake.  Without a second thought he quickly typed out a message.  
“ **Are you awake? MH”**  
There was no reply, he didn’t really expect anything.  It was too late…or too early.  
Mycroft gave a look at the flowers on the table, too late, too late for someone at this point.  
Five minutes later his phone buzzed.  Surprised he opened his phone  
_“Shower.  Still awake? You should rest. GL”_  
“ **So do you. MH”**  
_“I’m not recovering in a hospital.  Why are you awake at two o'clock in the morning? GL_ ”  
**“Another nightmare.  The same.  It was you. MH.”**  
_“I don't have long grey hair. GL”_  
**“It was you. I knew it. You know it.  MH”**  
“ _Please find a therapist, one from the hospital; there are a lot of them!  Please do that until it's too late! GL”_  
Mycroft didn’t reply. He knows he should, but he knows too much, there’s too much in his head for one normal doctor to sort out.  Where does one start?  Greg must have taken his silence as his way to change the subject.  His phone buzzed again.  
_“Did they take off the IV feed after I went away? GL”_  
**“Yes, and tomorrow they will inform me whether I come home. MH”**  
_“Good. Your house is waiting for you. GL”_  
**“Are you waiting for me too? MH”**  
_“I'm not at home now, Mycroft. I'm at my old flat, even Sherlock is here now, 221b is destroyed.. GL“_  
**“Not answering. MH”**  
“ _God My, I don't know! I don't know now. GL_ ”

oOo

Do you believe in shame?  
Do you believe in love?  
And if they taste the same  
Would you love again or abandon both  
…  
There’s nothing I can say  
There’s nothing left to do  
It’s just that lately I feel  
so damn lonely when I think of you  
…  
Do you believe in love?  
Do you believe in life?  
'Cos I believe a little part of you inside of me will never die.

(Do you believe in shame?- Duran Duran- Big Thing- 1989)


	2. Miles Away/The Truth Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mycroft couldn’t sleep the rest of the night, even though he knew he should. His mind kept thinking about “the doctor problem”. Maybe Greg was right, he needed to see someone, oh what was he thinking, of course he needed to see someone. The problem was where to start looking? And if he does start talking with someone, will Greg give him another chance?

**Miles away/The truth is**

**Chapter 2**

 

Mycroft couldn’t sleep the rest of the night, even though he knew he should. His mind kept thinking about “the doctor problem”. Maybe Greg was right, he needed to see someone, oh what was he thinking, of course he needed to see someone. The problem was where to start looking? And if he does start talking with someone, will Greg give him another chance?

At 7 o'clock, he grabbed his phone and called his PA.

“ **Anthea please look for a therapist, Do not find any female doctor, i could not stand it after John's. No previous job for government, not previous involvement with royal family. I will pay him on my own. And he will have to accord to my schedule.”**

She replied less than five minutes later.

“ _Yes sir.”_

She was always very efficient in her job and duties, if he is planning on leaving the hospital, he needed her to make all the necessary arrangements.

“ **Please have the car ready 12.00, I'm leaving the hospital. Be very discreet about it, no one must know. MH** ”

“ _Yes sir. “_

Mycroft closed the conversation and locked his phone before staring at the flowers, they were dying.. he was dying inside...

He wanted to go home, then again, maybe not. He can’t go back to that place knowing how easy it was to disable his security, not to mention the haunting memories, Sherlock insisted on instilling: paintings that bleed, clowns, running girl… no. he can’t go back there. Making his mind up he picked up his phone again and typed another message.

“ **Find a secure house in London, I am not going back to that house, have some of my personal belongings taken to the house as well. MH”**

She didn’t reply but he wasn’t worried, she will do that.

 

oOo

 

Greg was tired, his bones ached and he just wanted to crawl into a bed and sleep for a few hours. There had been a triple homicide that night, that had him out of bed at 4 in the morning and kept him busy the whole day. At lunch he texted Mycroft to know if he could come by for lunch, but Mycroft didn’t reply. Instead of being concerned he was getting annoyed. Mycroft always replied which can only mean that he either not got the message yet, or didn’t feel like answering. If it’s the latter than he is going to be angry, because now is not the time for playing bad games. The other reason was that because he told Mycroft he wasn’t at home, Mycroft didn’t feel the need to keep him updated anymore. They were in a relationship, they were supposed to work this out, not drifting further apart.

The afternoon when he was finally free he made his way to the hospital. He needed to talk to Mycroft .

He made his way to Mycroft’s room only to be met with an empty bed. His heart hammered in his chest. His eyes drifted to the side, where the flowers were left, half dead and withered on the table.

He kept staring at the flowers and didn’t see the nurse entering the room. The voice startled him.

 “Sorry, he's gone. I didn't clean the room yet.” Greg froze. Gone?

“He's gone? He died?” For a moment, for just one moment he felt lost. The nurse looked at him with an astonished gaze .

“No Sir, I mean, he left the hospital.”

The lost feeling made way for anger. Bloody Holmes!! Lestrade felt so stupid, again. Ignoring the nurse the turned around and run downstairs grabbing his phone as he ran to his car, it rang three times before somebody answered.

“Sorry Gregory, I'm very busy at the moment, I suppose I could call you later.”- Mycroft answered with his usual working voice.

“Have a nice day.” Greg stopped next to his car, staring at his phone. Mycroft hang up without saying goodbye, nothing.

“Dammit Mycroft!!” This way payback for last night, when they texted, apparently Mycroft thought his indecision about whether he’d be there when Mycroft got out was enough to let him cast Greg aside.

They needed to have a serious talk.

 

Mycroft put down his phone on the table next to him and looked up.

“My apologies Doctor, please continue.”

 

_It's one of those conversations we've,_

_We've had them before_

_The ones that leave you empty_

_And wanting for more_

_Your eyes they tell me something_

_That I understand_

_Your eyes they hold the truth_

_And the truth is:_

_You're miles away_

 

oOo oOo

 

Sherlock was playing his violin when the DI opened his flat door. Rosie was quietly playing on the couch with her father listening at the music. He wasn’t in the mood to have any sort of conversation with anybody, even if they were his friends. He was upset, sad and angry. He didn’t want to talk to these two, Sherlock would deduce everything and have a go at him, or say something insensitive.

As Greg closed the door behind him Sherlock gave him an odd gaze.

“This will be the second night you’re spending here Lestrade. Do I have to imagine that it is a serious fight?”

Greg sat on the couch near John and Rosie giving a soft smile at the baby girl who stared at the new intruder in the room. She smiled back. He turned his attention to Sherlock.

“ I don’t know Sherlock, I’m very sorry to bother you even if it's my flat, if you feel annoyed by my presence be sure tomorrow I will leave you my keys and I will go away, maybe go a on holiday, why not?” John stared at him, but didn’t say anything as Rosie chose that moment to cry. Picking up her bottle he started feeding her.

Sherlock sat in front of him investigating the DI for a few seconds, Greg didn’t even bother to hide how he was feeling. It won’t help anyhow. Folding his hands under his chin, Sherlock said.

“I did not say a word about it, I just asked about your relationship with my brother, not about your sleeping arrangements. You still haven’t answered to my question. Do you have any news about him?”

“He left the hospital without telling me. Do you have any idea how stupid one feels when you go to visit your partner and have to find out from the nurse he left? You know Sherlock, I think the lack of sensitivity is part of your family’s DNA . You have so many untold things between all of you. And it really has a bad effect on everyone around you. Would it really hurt to just talk to one another about the things that needed to be said?”

Sherlock rolled his eyes and stood up to walk towards the windows, his gaze traveling over the city when he replied.

“None of them I suppose should be interesting for you.”

“As you should not be interested in mine. As I told.” He stared at Sherlock before he continued. “You know what, I am leaving tomorrow.”

“What?” John asked surprised, Sherlock continued to stare out the window.

Greg turn to John who was looking at them with confusion.

“John, thanks a lot for your help, I know it’s so difficult for you now.”

John swallowed and replied. “Please Gregory you know very well how Sherlock can be sometimes unfair.”

Greg just shrugged and leaned back in his seat, tired and so done with Holmes issues. It was quiet when Sherlock’s phone buzzed. Taking out his phone he looked at the message. Reading it, he quickly looked up and turned around.

“I’m sorry. Mycroft is, after all, my brother and you’re my friend. I just hope this fight won’t ruin what both of you have.” Greg and John looked surprised, Sherlock’s concern and caring taking them both by surprise. He looked down to his phone as it rang. Ignoring them he walked out the room his phone against his ear. Sherlock closed the bedroom door behind him as he talked.

“Don’t worry brother mine, I’m sure he won’t leave for permanent, how did you found out? Still bugging the place?”

“I haven’t had a chance to remove it.” Mycroft retorted. Sherlock shook his head.

“You have some nerve, leaving without telling him, how did you think he was going to react? Whatever game you are playing you better hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I may have overreacted.” Mycroft conceded.

“May have. You better fix this, he won’t let you walk over him, or treat him like garbage.”

“I know.”

“fix this.” Sherlock replied lastly and hang up the phone. He went back into the living room, where Greg was helping John with getting all his things together to go home, Greg held Rosie as John put on his jacket and placed the diaper bag over his shoulder before taking Rosie back. Sherlock opened the front door before all their phones buzzed simultaneously , they stared at each other before opening their messages. Greg read it and held the phone up so they could all see.

 

_**"Mr. Holmes will be waiting for you** _

_**tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. in** _

_**Lancaster street, in Dr. Jeffries ' office."** _

 

"Looks like you won mate. It seems that Mycroft found a therapist! Well done." Greg smiled and before he ran his hand through his hair, his finding Sherlock’s who shrugged. Maybe they can start working out their issues.

Sherlock sighed loudly and with dramatic effect. John looked at him.

“What?”

“This means the therapist wants to see all of us.”

“yes I know Sherlock I read that.”

“But…” Sherlock tried again but Greg interrupted.

“No buts. We are all going. Got it.”

 

 

_Life it has it's limitations we all have our needs_

_Love could be the only answer it lies underneath_

_Your eyes they tell me something that I understand_

_Your eyes they hold the truth and the truth is_  
  
_You're miles away_

 

 _(_ “ _Miles Away / The Truth Is"- Depeche Mode- Sound Of Universe- 2009)_

 

 

 


	3. November Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg jumped awake with the sound. His first instinct was that it was the alarm, the shrill sound vibrating in his brain, bouncing of his skull. His head was blowing up. -This is a nightmare- he thought waking up... No, it was not a nightmare… that wasn’t his alarm…it was... it was from the living room…it was…

**November Rain**

**Chapter 3**

 

 

_When I look into your eyes_

_I can see a love restrained_

_But darlin' when I hold you_

_Don't you know I feel the same?_

_'Because nothing' last forever_

_And we both know hearts can change_

_And it's hard to hold a candle_

_In the cold November rain_

 

Greg jumped awake with the sound. His first instinct was that it was the alarm, the shrill sound vibrating in his brain, bouncing of his skull. His head was blowing up. -This is a nightmare- he thought waking up... No, it was not a nightmare… that wasn’t his alarm…it was... it was from the living room…it was…

It was Sherlock!!

Greg stood up quickly from the bed and ran out of the room- Sherlock, what are you fucking doing at this hour! In the morning! Bloody hell he was trying to sleep, and there the pompous arse stood in front of the window, just like he used to at Baker Street, perfectly dressed.

Sherlock put the violin down with delicate movements before he turned to the DI looking all confused.

“It’s not as early as you can think, it’s 9.15. You slept for twelve hours and you have only 20 minutes from now to get ready, George. The usual black car will be here at 9.45.” Greg ran his hands through his hair in frustrations, and Sherlock couldn’t wake him up at a decent hour to get ready? How the hell is he supposed to shower, shave and dress in fifteen bloody minutes?

“Make some bloody coffee!” He yelled at Sherlock before running to his shower and took the quickest shower in the history of showers; he grabbed the first clean clothes he could find his boxers, jeans and his favourite Guns n’ Roses t-shirt. He nearly fell on the bed to put on his socks and shoes, he stilled. His head fell heavy as he rested on his hands. Socks on but no shoes.

He is on his way to a therapy session, that he made Mycroft get. Mycroft who didn’t even tell him he was leaving the hospital, who left the flowers dying in the empty room, who dismissed him over the phone and then all of sudden sending him a message that his presence is required. He was frustrated, angry and desperate and wished that he had someone who could help him through this, to give him some sort of guideline as to what he should do. He was feeling so lost.

He was still sitting like that when Sherlock’s loud voice boomed over the flat.

“Five minutes to go!”

Greg looked up and taking a breath he put on his shoes, standing up he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get it to cooperate, it didn’t. Picking up his black leather jacket he pocketed his phone and wallet and made his way to the living room. Surprised he found his mug filled with coffee and took a sip. Just as he liked it. he wanted to thank Sherlock but he already left to wait outside. He downed his coffee as fast as he could. As he left the house, the black car was already there and Sherlock was talking to John before they climbed inside. He stopped for a moment; usually Mycroft would get out of the car to greet him. Mycroft would wait for him, greet him and then allows him to get in first. This was all wrong; this was not how it was supposed to be. He wanted his old life back, before Eurus, before the lies and deceit; it was so easy and simple back then.

“Come on Lestrade.” Sherlock called out, and Greg shook the memory before he made his way over and climbed in the car.

The ride was silent, they didn’t talk much beside the “hello’s ” and “nice day.” Each lost in their own thought; after all it is not every day that your partner requests you, his brother and brother’s best friend for a therapy session.

 

_We've been through this such a long long time_

_Just tryin' to kill the pain_

_But lovers always come and lovers always go_

_And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today_

_Walking away_

_If we could take the time to lay it on the line_

_I could rest my head_

_Just knowin' that you were mine_

_All mine_

 

The car came to a stop right outside the office in Lancaster Street. Greg was the last to climbed out, he saw Mycroft waiting outside the building. Sherlock and John climbed out and walked over to him.He was inhaling the last bit of the cigarette before he disposed the bud. Mycroft didn’t turn to him, instead focusing on his brother.

“Mycroft.” Sherlock greeted.

“Sherlock. Dr. Watson. John. Thank you for coming.”

“Yes well it’s not like we had a choice.” Sherlock said before John could reply, Mycroft turned to him and saw his brother’s concern, the usual venom in his words missing. Mycroft just smiled at him as he turned around.

“Come on John.” John gave Mycroft a nod before he followed Sherlock inside. This interaction allowed Greg to have a brief look at his partner. Mycroft was wearing his leather loafers with his dark blue jeans, so dark it was almost black. With that he had a dark red button down shirt with his usual black scarf and coat. It looked good on him. Greg took a breath and walked over to Mycroft who looked at him, a soft hint of a smile as he noticed the shirt and jacket. Greg’s five o’clock shadow had started show, clearly he didn’t had time to shave this morning.

“I'm glad to see you Gregory, I hope you're fine. I…” He took a deep breath. “I wasn't sure you would agree to come this morning.”

Greg stared in front of him, trying not to lose his control; he had to be careful what he says before a new fight broke out.

“Well Mycroft, you see, sometimes - or even better – always…” He got closer to the younger man his eyes staring in Mycroft’s “…you should place some trust in me.”

He was so closer that Mycroft felt his breath on his mouth, he closed his eyes. Greg took a step back and entered in to the building. Mycroft opened his eyes the space in front of him empty, he turned his face and watched the back of Greg as he disappeared inside. He should’ve said something, but yet again he didn’t. It felt like another failure, the little list of his failures is getting longer. Sighing he said into the cold air.

“I do trust you.”

 

_Do you need some time...on your own_

_Do you need some time...all alone_

_Everybody needs some time...on their own_

_Don't you know you need some time...all alone_

 

_I know it's hard to keep an open heart_

_When even friends seem out to harm you_

_But if you could heal a broken heart_

_Wouldn't time be out to charm you_

 

_Sometimes I need some time...on my own_

_Sometimes I need some time...all alone_

_Everybody needs some time...on their own_

_Don't you know you need some time...all alone_

 

They had another five minutes before the session has to start, so Mycroft stood in the back of the room, his eyes glancing over the other men before he lost himself in his memory of the day before.

Mycroft never thought he would need help from a therapist, never thought he would require the need for someone to talk to, after all, he is not a man of many words and emotion. Or, that is what he is trying to tell himself. It worked for so many years, why not now?

As he sat in front of Dr. Jeffries the day before he knew he was doing the right move. The Doctor gave him a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits

“Have some. I have a feeling this is going to be a long day.”

Anthea did a good job, so quickly, just choosing between the highest qualified doctors, digging up all the necessary information about their lives and then choosing the best one. In three hours she scheduled an appointment for the same afternoon.

The therapist was a man in his early sixties, a wonderful career in United States and in the last part of his life he decided to return where he was born. He had calm, relaxing voice and a very good bedside manner with his patients, he came highly recommended.

They talked a lot about their preferences, music, books, and foods and when Mycroft was a bit more relaxed the doctor asked him why he thought to need his help.

Mycroft narrated him the mostly significant part of the story that brought him to the doctor, the past hell he was forced to live. He was in the middle of telling him about Sherlock’s death when Greg called, he forgot to put it on silent, and with a nod from the doctor answered.

He dismissed Greg; again, telling him he left the hospital before ending the call. It was only after the call that he realised he was a bit distant and cold towards Greg, not helping the situation at all. He couldn’t think about that now, so he continued with the story, he wasn’t even halfway…

A few hours later the bugs in Lestrade’s flat sent the text of the conversation between the three guys. He asked for a brief pause and called his brother. He had to stop Greg from leaving, he didn’t read the entire transcript of the conversation but he did get the Greg wanted to leave part.

After the call the doctor stopped him from continuing, the talked the whole afternoon. The doctor put his notebook on the table and leaned towards Mycroft.

“You told me a complicated story, in which you're not the only involved. My methods are to let people talk, asking some questions, but also, see how the interaction with people are involved. Do you think that your brother, Dr. Watson and your partner will agree to have some sessions with me at the beginning and with the two of us after?”

Mycroft widen his eyes before looking down, noticing he had started to fidget with his hands, when did that happen? He looked back at the doctor.

“It might be difficult to arrange…I don't about Sherlock and Dr. Watson… we could try...”

“And Greg, your partner?”

Mycroft sighed “I don't know if I have a partner anymore.”

Dr. Jeffries smiled.

“Well, I think it’s too soon to make statements like that, there is still time to sort it out. Can you make arrangements for tomorrow morning let’s say about ten?”

“Let me make a call, please.” Mycroft pick up the phone and called Anthea. The doctor left the room to let him some privacy.

“Anthea, please send immediately a text to my brother, Dr. Watson and Gregory inviting them here tomorrow at 10. Thank you. No need more for today.”

That was yesterday and here they are, all four of them in one room, he briefly wondered when was the last time the four of them was in one room together, with a shock he realised he couldn’t remember. Maybe there is still time for them.

The door opened and the doctor came in.

Here goes.

 

_And when your fears subside_

_And shadows still remain_

_I know that you can love me_

_When there's no one left to blame_

 

_So never mind the darkness_

_We still can find a way_

_'Cause nothin' last forever_

_Even A cold November rain_

 

_Don't ya think that you need somebody_

_Don't ya think that you need someone_

_Everybody needs somebody_

_You're not the only one_

_You're not the only one_

 

 

_(November Rain – Guns 'n Roses -Use Your Illusion I -1991)_

 

 


	4. Shake The Disease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The four men were reunited in the therapist's big office. "...  
> "“May I introduce myself; my name is Michael Jeffries, I’m a therapist, as you already know, I've been appointed to help in these trouble moments of Mr. Holmes' life..."

**Shake the disease**

 

**Chapter 4**

 

The four men were reunited in the therapist's big office.

John was the first to enter and sat in the left armchair in front of the doctor's chair, Sherlock was nervously walking around touching and analyzing every object, the wallpaper, the portraits, everything, already making his mind up about the doctor.

Greg sat on the free couch on the right side, so when Mycroft joined them he had to choose between the couch and the armchair. He quickly analysed every possibility, sitting on the couch near Gregory could had been too much after the conversation they had, sitting on the armchair…too far from him. He decided to stand near the door, as his brother. Sherlock gave him one look and a small nod, knowing what his brother was thinking. The doctor joined them and with a wide smile as he took his seat in front of them. To anyone else that might be intimidating four men staring at the doctor but he was prepared and started.

“Welcome everyone, I would have invited you to sit but I think everybody has already chosen his place. Feel free to change it as you like, you can also sit on the carpet if you prefer.” he said smiling innocently at them. No one replied but John and Greg at least nodded to show they did hear. The doctor continued.

“May I introduce myself; my name is Michael Jeffries, I’m a therapist, as you already know, I've been appointed to help in these trouble moments of Mr. Holmes' life, but, as we are going to have some sessions together, feel free to ask for a separate consultation anytime you like or feel the need to.”

John gave a gaze to Mycroft, and then to the doctor “You mean that Mycroft Holmes will pay my session if I need them. I don't like it.”

The doctor raised his hand to answer.

“No Dr. Watson, I did not explain it in the right way...”

“Everything is paid Dr. Watson” Mycroft interrupted then continued. “John, the doctor isn't paid for every conversation he makes with us. He's paid to do his job, not per hours, not per days. None of us have to think about it. Just ask if you need it.” John seemed to accept this better than before and shared a look with Sherlock, they seemed to have a conversation all on their own, without words, in the John turned back to the doctor and nodded. The doctor nodded back before turning to Mycroft.

“Thank you Mr. Holmes, for explaining that, now, as you know each of you but I don't, could you please introduce me to everyone in your own time and comfort?”

Mycroft widen his eyes before he straightened his shoulders, cleared his throat and started talking.”

“Dr. Jeffries may I introduce you my brother Sherlock Holmes, here at my left side…” Sherlock stepped forward.

“Nice to make you acquaintance Mr. Holmes, even if it was only from yesterday I heard a lot about you and your extraordinaire capabilities.” Sherlock nodded and smiled briefly before he started talking.

“I don't really know which of my capabilities could have impressed a former therapist, graduated in Cambridge, more or less forty years ago, who have spent all his life in Unites States, Connecticut?, two sons, one wife, probably still alive, and who listen at Frank Sinatra.” John and Greg groaned at that little display and Mycroft rolled his eyes.

“Oh thank you brother mine, I could not describe you in a better way.” Sherlock looked smug so Mycroft moved on to the next man.

“This is Doctor Watson former British Army doctor and served as a Captain in the Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. Now he works in a hospital and helps my brother in investigating on Scotland Yard's harder cases. And...” He stopped nervously, his voice faltering as he tried to look at Greg yet at the same time not to look at him. He did not really known how to describe Greg trying not to cause him more sorrow. Greg looked up at Mycroft, waiting for his introduction. His heart melted seeing the usual infallible man so disorientated with the new developments, only yesterday he was still in hospital, two day ago held prisoner by his own sister and here he is, doing everything he can to fix the mistakes he made. The doctor wanted to interrupt him, but knew it is something he had to do on his own. Greg looked down again, waiting for his introduction. Mycroft cleared his throat again and to ignore the fact that everyone was looking at him, except Greg. He had to stay strong, he had to do this, for the sake of their relationship he has to be strong.

“…now…last but not least the Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade, New Scotland Yard, my- my partner.”

Greg visibly relaxed at that, it may be hard to say, but the fact is, they are still a couple, they are still together.

It was quiet for a moment or two, Sherlock wanted to say something to Mycroft who looked defeated, his eyes were slightly red rimmed, and his shoulders were sagged. He even looked shorted than Sherlock in that moment. The doctor cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention back. He looked at John first.

“Dr. Watson is a pleasure to meet you, as a Doctor, my brother, rest in peace, was an army doctor too. I need to inform you I am aware of your current situation so in any moment you feel it, you can stop the conversation and left the room. As you please, I would like everyone to follow this, if you’re uncomfortable we will stop, I will not push you into anything you don’t want to be pushed into.”- John nodded back.

The doctor looked at them before he spoke again.

“Does anyone have something to add before we begin?”

Everyone shook their heads and Greg felt he should say something, Mycroft did the first part, he made a huge step, and it is only fair that he should support him.

“I would just like to say, that I am happy that Mycroft asked for your help in this, and so soon after everything as well, I know it doesn’t automatically make everything right, but it is a step in the right directions, and I hope that this will benefit us all, that every one of us in this room can start new from this, learn from it for the future.”

They all nodded in agreement, Mycroft stared at Greg his face open with all the emotions he felt, Greg approved, and that is more than he could ever asked for.

 

_I'm not going down on my knees_

_Begging you to adore me_

_Can't you see it's misery_

_And torture for me_

_When I'm misunderstood_

_Try as hard as you can_

_I've tried as hard as I could_

_To make you see_

_How important it is for me_

_Here is a plea_

_From my heart to you_

_Nobody knows me_

_As well as you do_

_You know how hard it is for me_

_To shake the disease_

_That takes hold of my tongue_

_In situations like these_

_Understand me_

 

The room was quiet and the doctor gave each of them the opportunity to come to term with the new development, he could see that what Greg said, they all agreed and somehow, most of them look towards him for guidance, especially in the emotion department and opening up, him and John. If it wasn’t for those two men, the other two will not be here and they certainly would not cooperated as much as they are. He finds it remarkable that these two men, basically determines the outcome of this endeavour. The ball as they would say is in their hands. The doctor leaned forward in his chair, his hands folded.

“I think this is a wonderful beginning, would it be okay Detective if I can see you again, alone, either this afternoon or maybe tomorrow morning?” Greg nodded his consent.

“All right then if I may ask, Sherlock, Dr. Watson, may I spend the next hour with just the two of you?”

Sherlock looked affronted with the idea and John confused.

“Isn’t this about Mycroft and Greg?”

“Yes, it is, but there are a few questions I have for the two of you, concerning Mycroft and Greg so I can build an objective foundation, to work off.”

“Oh.” John replied. Looking at Sherlock he nodded.

Mycroft and Greg said their goodbyes to the doctor and the two men before they left the office. Once outside Greg didn’t hesitate in taking a cigarette from his packet; he held it open to Mycroft who took one with shaking hands. They both took a long drag to calm their nerves. Both quiet and unsure on what to say. Mycroft broke the silence.

“I appreciate your approval, Gregory. It means a lot for me.”

Greg puffs the cigarette and look around the garden before he turned back to Mycroft.

“Which one?”

“All of them, I known there are more than just one, in particular when I described you as my partner.”

“Oh yes it really sounded a little bit strange after your decision of not telling me you were leaving the hospital, I expected to be described less than a friend, may be a former boyfriend – or the man who works with your brother.”

Greg inhaled again, already regretting the last line that was uncalled for. Mycroft is trying, he should let go off his anger and cooperate.

“You know I won't use those words, Gregory, not for you.” He added as an afterthought. Greg looked away, the cigarette nearly finished.

 

_Some people have to be_

_Permanently together_

_Lovers devoted to_

_Each other forever_

_Now I've got things to do_

_And I've said before that I know you have too_

_When I'm not there_

_In spirit I'll be there_

 

 

Mycroft studied Greg’s face, he could see the anger and the pain, and know he was the reason it was there, it is his fault. Greg didn’t reply, instead he stared into the distance, the cigarette forgotten in his hand as he lost himself into another memory.

 

oOo oOo

When Greg woke up with a bad headache he suddenly realized it wasn't his bed. He couldn't move because of his painful chest and back. This wasn’t good. As his eyes adjusted to the light he realized he was in hospital. Great. He got hurt, stabbed, trying to protect Sherlock.

Suddenly on his right a chair moved then a voice, oh that voice…

“When I asked you to “babysit my brother”, as you often say Detective Inspector, I did not ask you to endanger your life for him…did you take a note about it? No probably not. This is an inconvenience Detective.-

Greg wanted to back chat, be cheeky, but didn’t. He could see the worry in Mycroft’s posture. In a moment he will forever call the medicine was responsible, he took Mycroft’s hand.

“I’m sorry …I was doing my best …” He let out a small groan. His entire body was aching.

Mycroft clenched Greg’s hand, trying to say what he couldn’t.

“Of course you did, but please don't do it again. I could not stand it. Can you understand what I’m telling you?” Greg was speechless as he stared at Mycroft, their hands together and the emotions open on his face. He looked down at their hands then back at Mycroft hope swelling inside his chest. ‘Really? This wasn’t a hallucination or drug induced sleep?’

“I can guarantee you, this isn’t a dream, Inspector.” Mycroft said. Greg’s smile became wider.

“Yeah? In that case I understand, and with you on the same page. We will have to sit down and have a good chat about it you know?”

“I expect nothing less.”

“So who killed the suspect, I remember I was on the floor, bleeding and Sherlock tried to stop it, then a bang and he went down.”

Mycroft looked uncomfortable and started to fidget with Greg’s fingers still in his. Greg groaned, but not from pain.

“I don’t want to know do I? Same guy who shot a cabbie a few years back?” Mycroft just shrugged. He looked at his phone and let go of Greg’s hands, it already felt a little bit empty. Standing up he declared.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Gregory, I will be in touch with arrangements.”

“Uuh okay.” Greg watched as Mycroft took out his phone and dialed.

“Sherlock? He is awake.”

oOo oOo

 

 

Greg wanted to believe him, so desperately, but he was still too hurt and angry to think straight, he needs to get some air. Taking the last drag he threw away the cigarette.

“I have to go back work.” He stared at Mycroft for just one second then torn and went away. He did not look back. He didn't want to look back because he did not what to say anymore, and to avoid another fight, he had to try to put the best on that moment. He was nearly to tears, and he felt so strange. While he was going to the nearest underground station he started questioning: how old am I? I’m more then forty, my hair is grey, and how can I suppose to cry? How much this situation has wounded me? How could I explain my feelings to that doctor this evening?

Like a robot his feet brought him to NSY building, upstairs, in to his office, his mind was away… He didn’t know what to do about all of this, but therapy may be a good start.

“Hey!” Greg spun around to the voice behind him, Sally stood a few feet away, obviously agitated which meant she tried to call him a couple times.

“What?” He wasn’t in the mood for a talk, not even work related.

“I said, Hey! Are you among us Greg?” Greg anger was already on a thin line, and her judgmental attitude snapped it. He didn’t need to justify his actions to anyone. He was the boss.

“I don’t have to justify myself to you, do your job and bring me all the paperwork of yesterday’s murder, I have to check it.” He shouted. She stared at him before she stormed off. Greg closed his eyes, feeling a little guilty for taking it out on her, she didn’t deserve it. Sighing he went back to his office and spent the rest of the day doing paperwork and the last page was him requesting some time off. He needed some time on his own, away from all of this.

 

_Here is a plea_

_From my heart to you_

_Nobody knows me_

_As well as you do_

_You know how hard it is for me_

_To shake the disease_

_That takes hold of my tongue_

_In situations like these_

_Understand me_

 

_(Shake the disease – Depeche Mode – The Singles 81-85, 1985)_

 

 

 


	5. Set Fire To The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When Greg left the office it was raining, luckily he had an umbrella in his office. The simple object reminded him about Mycroft, it was just a normal one not one from Bond's equipment, like the one he always had with him. He remembered the day he found the differences...."

**Set Fire To The Rain**

**Chapter 5**

 

When Greg left the office it was raining, luckily he had an umbrella in his office. The simple object reminded him about Mycroft, it was just a normal one not one from Bond's equipment, like the one he always had with him. He remembered the day he found the differences. As he walked he lost himself in one of the sweetest memories he had of him and Mycroft.

oOo

It was one of their first dates, Mycroft knew he liked musicals so bought two tickets for “Cats”, Greg saw it no less than 3 times but he did not tell that to him as to ruin the present and the date, and he really loved that one. When they got out from the theatre it was raining so heavy, Mycroft opened the umbrella and they walked close together, huddled under the umbrella to the restaurant. As they arrived they noticed a lot of people waiting for the table, Greg suggested that Mycroft go on up ahead to call the maître for their table. Mycroft left him the umbrella recommending him to bring it inside, and under no circumstances to leave it outside. Greg first thought was how Mycroft was possessive with his property and grinned to a possible future, but then he noticed that the umbrella was really different from the others, too heavy for that kind of object, there were some strange buttons and it seemed to be also a security lever. “Oh my God, I'm dating the real James Bond!” he exclaimed to himself, his grin even wider than before.

 oOo oOo

_I let it fall my heart_

_And as it fell you rose to claim it_

_It was dark and I was over_

_Until you kissed my lips and you saved me_

_My hands they were strong but my knees were far too weak_

_To stand in your arms without falling to your feet_

_But there’s a side to you that I never knew never knew_

_All the things you’d say they were never true never true_

_And the games you’d play you would always win always win_

_But I set fire to the rain_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face_

_When it burned well I cried_

_Cause I heard it screaming out your name_

 

Instead of home he made his way to Lancaster Street. His appointment was for later that afternoon. Dr. Jeffries was already waiting for him sitting on the bench under a little patio in the small garden, a burning cigarette his hand. Greg looked taken aback for a moment but never the less walked towards the man. It was well lit, even at this hour.

“Mr. Lestrade, welcome, would you like to sit here for a while as my wife does not allow me to smoke inside?”

“Good evening, yeah thank you. I'll have one too. Please call me Greg.”-

Greg took the offered cigarette and sat down, inhaling the nicotine. It felt good. The doctor watched him a moment before he spoke.

“I saw you smiling when you arrived, Greg. You seemed happy.”

“Yeah…no.” Greg smiled sadly. “Just remembering a happy moment in my life.”

“Would you share it with me? Just a cigarette and a happy memory to break the ice?” The doctor asked. Greg looked at him, he was really competent and smart he turned to the doctor.

“Just to be clear, you did sign a security clearance did you?” Jeffries smiled and lit up another cigarette.

“I did it yesterday, a beautiful girl came in my office with a lot of paper if I wanted this job I had to sign and accept a lot of rules, and she is Mr. Holmes' assistant I suppose.”

Greg laughed “Yes, she is. A real fire pistol that one, but brilliant. I guess this makes it okay to share with you.” Greg lit up a new cigarette as well and started talking, the more he talked the more sincere his smile became. When they were finished they moved back inside, Greg sat on the couch again, but unlike this morning he was more relaxed, sitting all the way back with one arm over the armrest. The doctor took his seat, the whole atmosphere more relaxed than before.

“I think this is a beautiful memory, yet at the end you seemed so sad. Now, I know there are some very big problems between you and your partner. According to my role I can't say to Mr. Holmes what you're saying during this sessions, the only things he will find out will be what you both will say with the sessions you will have together.” Greg nodded with satisfaction. The doctor continued. “Would you say to me what you think is really hurting you?”

Greg tried to find a more comfortable position on the couch took a deep breath and started talking. “I'm a cop. When I met the Holmes family I was married, but it was over. I had some relationships when I was young, I'm bisexual. But, only one at time. So, my wife was cheating me and I left her. If there is a thing that I really cannot stand is a lie.” He took a sip of the bottle water that the doctor placed there when they began; closing the bottle he started playing with the bottle, his fingers fidgeting with the label.

“I always knew from the beginning of our acquaintance that Mycroft could not tell me a lot of things, oh yes I signed a high security clearance before our first date, but in any case I knew he could tell me just a little part of his job. I was fine with that, because in the end, the silence stopped with work and work related issues, it never was about our personal lives and I was fine with that. I trusted him with that. But, he lied to me. Twice. Two separate occasions, both highly personal that affected us both, affected Sherlock and John, and made some serious dents in our relationship. Makes one wonder, just how many lies is he actually withholding?” He was lost in thought for a moment before he continued.

“The first when Sherlock planned his fake death and obviously Mycroft helped him, I had to deal with some problems at work at that time. But it was sorted in the end. The second is bigger, is the real story of his life, his youth, Eurus, the kid, Sherlock’s manipulated memory, I think that it's why he uses drugs. I didn’t ask for a file or account of his life, but this is big, he had another sibling! You know what the best is?” Greg became agitated the more he talked his hands were clenching the bottle. “… The first time we met, he asked me to look after his baby brother, and when I think back about it, I get so angry all over again.”

“Greg…” The doctor started but Greg stood up and started pacing the floor.

“He didn’t even had the decency to tell me anything about this crisis. With his sister… last week Anthea appeared in my office saying: “Don’t' worry if you heard that 221b Baker Street has exploded, they are all safe, Mr. Holmes included. Please call Sherlock on the phone he has something to ask you.” He stopped a moment his hand flying everywhere as he talk.

“So I called Sherlock, Mycroft’s phone was off – because hey, apparently thee was an explosion an I may just want to talk to him and make sure you know – so that didn’t happened and Sherlock explained me his plan for rescue them at Sherrinford fortress. He went like ‘hi Greg, go to Sherrinford, at this time, to save us. Thanks bye.’ So what do I do? What I always do, drop everything and went. I rescued Mycroft, he was so shocked and I was so worried for him, he did not say a word, I left him at the hospital - I had no choice - with his PA, Sherlock called and I went to rescue them at Musgrave Manor.” When he finished it was like he lost his fighting spirit. He flopped back down on the sofa. When his eyes looked at the doctor his Greg’s eyes were filled with tears.

“What am I to them” An emergency service?” Greg sighed the doctor was quiet, in all truth, he was unsure on how to answer this? Greg ignored him and went on.“They were all at the same hospital so I went back to the hospital again he refused to explain what had happened, saying it was a ‘family affair’ so once again I got excluded, you know they let John in, apparently he was family, but after more than ten years I was nothing. I saw John he was outside while Sherlock was calling their parents. Do you know what he said? When Mycroft wanted to tell Sherlock about Euros, he wanted Sherlock to be alone, and Sherlock insisted he stays. Mycroft then said, that apparently it’s a family matter, Sherlock exclaimed, that is why he stays. Can you imagine that? Sherlock?

And that hurt. It really fucking hurt. When there’s trouble they know my name, everything else? Oh sorry it is a family matter.” Greg didn’t even stop the tear from falling down his cheek; he looked down, the bottle still in his hands.

“I love him… I love Mycroft so much…even Sherlock… I saw him becoming this amazing man, and I just don’t think I can stand to be so little to them anymore, I don’t know if I have any strength left to stick around for more lies, more secrets, and more hidden issues, more of this.”

The doctor closed his book; he got up and handed the box of tissues to Greg. He had his work cut out for him. Yes Greg loves Mycroft but it was really possible he had enough. The question is now; can he turn around and fight again for his relationship with Mycroft?

 

_When I lay with you_

_I could stay there just close my eyes_

_Feel you here forever_

_You and me together nothing gets better_

_But there’s a side to you that I never knew never knew_

_All the things you’d say they were never true never true_

_And the games you’d play you would always win always win_

_But I set fire to the rain_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face_

_When it burned well I cried_

_Cause I heard it screaming out your name_

_I set fire to the rain_

_And I threw us into the flames_

_When we well something died_

_Cause I knew that that was the last time_

_(Set fire to the rain – Adele -”21”-2011)_

 

 


	6. Somebody That I Used To Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mycroft Holmes and Gregory Lestrade: Once they were a couple, so close and attuned with one another, that you’d think they were telepathic. They were partners? Well if you look at them right now you won’t say that, in fact your first thought would be: “Really?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a personal request from me and Daynaan. When I started out with this venture with my lovely writing companion, I never for once imagined that not only would she become a wonderful writing partner, but also a lovely friend. I can tell you one thing though, my music experience increased a great deal, and when you read these chapters, read the lyrics too, I'm sure you all are, but listen to them, put the earbuds in and live it with us (and with Greg and Mycroft)   
> Lastly, thank you for taking time out of your schedules to read and live this with us.   
> Much love.
> 
> CrushedRose (& Daynaan)

**Somebody That I used To Know**

** Chapter 6 **

_Now and then I think of when we were together_

_Like when you said you felt so happy you could die_

_Told myself that you were right for me_

_But felt so lonely in your company_

_But that was love and it's an ache I still remember_

_You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness_

_Like resignation to the end, always the end_

_So when we found that we could not make sense_

_Well you said that we would still be friends_

_But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over_

The day before Greg had a private session with the doctor and now they are having one together.

Mycroft Holmes and Gregory Lestrade: Once they were a couple, so close and attuned with one another, that you’d think they were telepathic.  

They were partners? Well if you look at them right now you won’t say that, in fact your first thought would be: “Really?” Look at them again, one standing near the door, as if he finds it impossible to find a rest, close to the door, ready to escape if a threat arises. Then again he had experience in that, escaping from a drone with bomb. He was lucky to survive.

The other? He is sitting on the sofa, his legs no longer strong enough to carry him, or the weight on his shoulders; he made the sofa a boat, against the raging storm he currently finds himself in.

One sitting down, one close to running that it seems to be near impossible for these two men to find a connection that can hopefully put back the broken strings that threaded through their life, connecting them as one?

Could anyone find a connection between them?

The doctor asked about the previous deceit, the first chunk in the armor of their relationship; Sherlock’s fake death.   Greg became angry, old wounds bubbling to the surface like a broken oxygen tank at the bottom on the ocean.

“You lied to me! I put all my faith in you from the first time I saw you, the first time we met. And after all these years you let me think I’ve been able to break your ice mask but it was not true. You said you cared about me. I thought it a victorious moment in our relationship. I thought…”

“I didn’t lie to you, not about that. I always cared about you. I lied to you about a lot of things, but never about my feelings for you. What happened with Sherlock was unavoidable, I couldn’t change the plan.” Mycroft interrupted, his anger slowly burning hotter.

Greg looked at him.

“Not a single thing? Really? You helped in Sherlock’s death, you covered for him! You let me thinking it was my fault that he died; do you have any idea what it was walking with that guilt?”

“Gregory, we’ve already sorted this out….we reconciled after that… do we have to argue about this again?”

“Yes! We are arguing about this again, do you mind?” Greg voice was loud, the doctor paid close attention, and Mycroft sighed, willing himself not to lose his temper but to stay calm.

“I told I was protecting you. You know it was the right thing to do.”

“No Mycroft, you told it was the right thing to do, I had no choice but to accept it. I listened and that was that.   But you knew, deep down I did not accept it…you broke up with me. Instead of telling me the truth you left me thinking I was guilty, the one to blame for Sherlock’s death.” Mycroft’s eyes bore into Greg as if lasers.

“You were a target. I did what I had to; I pushed you away to protect you. Oh come on you know this, there is no reason to repeat it.”   Greg stood up his eyes level with Mycroft’s. The doctor leaned in closer, holding his breath.   Greg’s voice cut through the air.

“I forgave you once, Mycroft. I did not deserve the way you treated me for a second bloody time!”

It was quiet. There was nothing left to say, after all he was right. If someone could take a photo they would catch Mycroft with dry throat and broken heart by his partner’s words.   He knew it was going to be hard, he never for one moment thought it be the closest thing in the span of a week that would come close to break him.

Greg stood up from the sofa grabbing the cigarettes pack from the pocket

“I’m sorry. I need a break.”

Without waiting for permission or looking at either of them he walked out. The smoke already filling the air as he closed the door behind him.  

Mycroft stood as if frozen, his eyes staring ahead. The last line echoed in his mind. Slowly and steadily he made it to the sofa, he needed to sit down, or he will collapse. He nearly fell on the sofa.

“Oh my God.” He whispered as he hid his face in his hands. It was true, it was the truth, Greg didn’t deserve it again, and hell he didn’t deserve it the first time either.   He should’ve done more, and now in the deep tunnel of Greg’s sorrow and his regret, he did not see any light at the end.

With the remnants of their argument is still heavy in the air the doctor gave Mycroft a moment to himself, he needed to process this before they could go on.

Mycroft close his eyes as he thought back to that fateful time, when Greg was the one to break the silence and made contact that led to their reconciliation.

 

_oOo_

Sherlock’s death came at a very inconvenient time in their relationship, not that there ever was a convenient time.   They were dating for nearly a year, and both know that it was serious, they knew that first dinner, and that there was a lot at stake here.

It all changed after the fall, after his death, Mycroft rejected any contact with Gregory.

Greg was devastated, besides the guilt he felt that he was partly responsible for Sherlock’s death he felt that he let Mycroft down, instead of protecting his brother, he killed him. That was proven when Mycroft severed the relationship, ignoring the very existence of him. Those were the worst days of his entire life, and he struggled to keep fighting.

Then it happened.

Nearly six months had passed when the next shift in his life happened. He found evidence proving something in the whole Sherlock’s jumping was amiss, things didn’t add up.

A man showed up in his office, his aunt was in Bart’s hospital, dying. He started telling Greg this strange story. A story that involve closed off streets around the hospital that day. Posters claiming they were shooting a movie, yet no production company could confirm that. The excuse was just that, an excuse. His aunt died alone. Greg started digging, he did a little search of his own, he may not have been a genius, but he was a detective – a good one.   Few weeks later the puzzle pieces fell into place. It was all a setup. Greg was furious and decided it was time for some real answers.

The first stop was the morgue. If anyone knew what was going on, it would be the girl in love with the detective.

Molly’s office was pink, there where pink pictures on the wall, pink shelves, pink fresh flowers everywhere, it was odd thinking that the door next to hers was the mortuary entrance. He didn’t even say hello, he went straight to the point.

“You helped them, didn’t you Molly? You found a body to pretend to be Sherlock.” She dropped the mug of coffee she was drinking, he caught her off guard, and that told him everything.

Begging her to tell him about the fake death was not difficult because she felt guilty. She was the vulnerable link in the chain’s ring. She couldn’t stop crying.

“Now Molly, stop crying for now. You’re going to make a call for me... And please... save your tears for that.” He was angry and hurt, and knew his plan might be cruel, but desperate time, desperate measures.

Greg explained his plan to Molly three times before she accepted to make that call for him, she just had to call and cry at the same time.

_“_ Please Molly, make this call for me.”

She sobbed and took the phone her hands shook as she dialed.

“Mr. Holmes. It’s ..it's..Mo..Molly Hooper, Saint Bart. I’m so..sorry to bother you but I n..need your he..elp.”

“Good evening Dr. Hooper, how can I help you?” Mycroft was not pleased to talk to her, they had no contact since that day...but she was crying so he tried to be kind.

_“_ It’s …” She sobbed again “…there is a man here... Oh I’m so sorry Mr. Holmes you are then next of kin…I need you to identify a body…”

Mycroft froze. “Who molly? Who should I recognize, Molly?” There is no one, he should know, Sherlock is somewhere in Europe, his parent are safe Gre….Gregory….

“Oh Mr. Holmes please, I don’t know I’m not allowed…”

Mycroft shouted out. “Who Molly? Who?”

“Initial evidence suggests Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade.” Molly refused to look at him as she speaks, a tiny part felt guilty, but the rest didn’t.

“Oh please Mr. Holmes I’m waiting for you here.”

Mycroft stared with the phone in his hand

“I’m coming Molly”   Mycroft hang up without saying anything else. Molly was crying now, and Greg took the phone from her.

“Well done Molly. You can go home now, leave the window open please I need to smoke now.” Molly didn’t say anything as she run out from the room. Greg switch the light off and waited in the back of the room, Mycroft would be here soon.

When Mycroft entered the mortuary he was unfocused and disorientated, he switch the light on and frantically looked around. Molly wasn’t there like she said. The cold tables were all empty and the whole place was empty and alone. He tried to breathe deeply and keep his heart from beating too fast. If Greg was not here then what the hell is going on?

“Hello Mycroft.” Mycroft jumped.

“Gregory?” Mycroft stared at Greg who stood in the corner.

“I’m not dead.. neither is your brother… Am I right?”

Mycroft didn’t answer, he just stared at the man in front of him, who he haven’t seen in six months and somehow figured it all out. On top of that he found a brilliant way to make sure he gets him in a rush. What must he do?

“I’m so glad you are actually alive, that I cant even be angry that you made Molly call me with this.”

“Really, I didn’t know I was that important to you.”

Mycroft stared at him, how can he even think such a thing…then again, his behavior didn’t leave for much room for something else. Greg used the time to walk closer.

“Sherlock is alive isn’t he?” It was now or never. Mycroft sat down in the closest chair, he looked at Greg and slowly nodded. Now that Greg knew, Mycroft felt lighter about it. The thing now, what is going to happen now? Greg sat on one of the autopsy tables.

“I want the whole story.”

“It’s a long story.”

“We got time. Start talking. Oh and try to be persuasive make me believe that this past months of hell was somehow worth it.”

oOo oOo

 

_You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness_

_Like resignation to the end, always the end_

_So when we found that we could not make sense_

_Well you said that we would still be friends_

_But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over_

_But you didn't have to cut me off_

_Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

_And I don't even need your love_

_But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough_

_No you didn't have to stoop so low_

_Have your friends collect your records and then change your number_

_I guess that I don't need that though_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know N_

_ow you're just somebody that I used to know_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

It was quiet in the room, only the sounds of their breathing. Doctor Jeffries didn’t say anything during the exchange and he let Mycroft have a few minutes. Taking a breath he broke the silence.

“Mr. Holmes, if you can, can you put yourself in Greg’s shoes and explain what had happened in this room from his perspective. Mycroft looked up and frowned. Sitting up straight he took a sip of the water he had with him, sitting back in the sofa he cleared his throat and started talking.

Greg stayed outside for a few minutes, when he looked at his watch, it was near twenty minutes that had passed, and he nearly finished an entire packet. Pocketing the rest he made his way back, he opened the door and stepped in. Mycroft was sitting on the sofa, talking. He didn’t hear Greg came in, but the doctor saw him and didn’t interrupt. Taking that as a sign he stepped in and listened.

“I know he's right, I lied again, or better yet, I never told the truth to anybody.”

“You decided to carry that weight alone. This hasn't been good for your mind and your soul. Now you should try to see things from another perspective, If you were Greg how would you feel?” The doctor asked, his focus on Mycroft, but Greg knew he was in his sight as well. Truth is, he would like to know answer as well.

“Betrayed, I would feel betrayed.” His voice broke on the end and Greg had to stop himself from running to him, comforting him, his eyes filled with tears as he listened.

“Would you forgive?”   Jeffries asked, and even thought Greg couldn’t see it, he knew from the doctor’s face that Mycroft started crying.

“I….I… don’t know. I mean he missed such a big part of my life, that I deliberately tried to hide, so many things I didn’t allow him to know, my past, Eurus, what she did, I didn’t mean to cut him out, it was so hurting to talk about it, to bring him into it, that I somehow wanted to keep that from him, because I was scared, scared that if he knew, he would hate me, I made some very bad mistakes and choices, things a good and honest man like Greg, might not like. I knew it was wrong, but I convinced myself that it was for his own good, for my good, that I can keep us, the two of us, separate from that. I didn't want him to be hurt as I was. I was so alone, and so miserable for so long, and he, he is probably the only reason I have to keep fighting, to be here and talk to you, I will move mountains for him, yet I couldn’t tell him about my own mountain.”

Greg was crying openly now, both of them devastated. They somehow are so in line with one another, yet so far off the track. Mycroft kept talking, now that he started, he couldn’t stop.

“I know now, that my actions, my decisions to protect, did more harm, and as a result, I lost the only good thing in my life: Gregory. This morning while I was packing some new clothes – you see I cant stay in that house anymore after everything that had happened – I made a discovery…” He took another sip of water and Greg closed his eyes, he knew exactly what he found.

“What did you find?”   The doctors’ voice was soft.

“A small box in the bottom drawer where we keep our photos…. I opened it…..two gold bands….Grego….Greg…he…” Mycroft couldn’t finish the sentence, Jeffries closed his eyes as he was hit with the same pain. Greg couldn’t stop his feet from moving, he stood behind Mycroft and placed his hands on his shoulders, he squeezed as he bend down, his head behind Mycroft, crying as well.

 

_[Kimbra:]_

_Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over_

_But had me believing it was always something that I'd done_

_But I don't wanna live that way_

_Reading into every word you say_

_You said that you could let it go_

_And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know_

_[Gotye:]_

_But you didn't have to cut me off_

_Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

_And I don't even need your love_

_But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough_

_No you didn't have to stoop so low_

_Have your friends collect your records and then change your number_

_I guess that I don't need that though_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

_Somebody (I used to know)_

_Somebody (Now you're just somebody that I used to know)_

_(I used to know)_

_(That I used to know)_

_(I used to know)_

_Somebody_

_("Somebody That I Used To Know" – Gotye (feat. Kimbra)-Making Mirrors -2011)_  
  



	7. Soothe My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's been a tough few days and even though Greg had managed to take a few days of work, he was still tired, but it is not the tired that came from a lack of sleep, its that kind of bone weary tiredness that comes from your soul and mind being tired..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> put the earbuds in and live it with us (and with Greg and Mycroft)

**Soothe My Soul**

**Chapter 7**

 

It's been a tough few days and even though Greg had managed to take a few days of work, he was still tired, but it is not the tired that came from a lack of sleep, its that kind of bone weary tiredness that comes from your soul and mind being tired. He and Mycroft and all of them basically have been through one hell of a roller-coaster ride, and now with the therapy and things being revealed, old wounds being reopened it still feels like a roller-coaster ride. Truthfully he just want to get off somewhere and take a break.

He needed some time alone, even if it is a few hours doing something normal or everyday like he used to. A new perspective so to speak.

Sherlock was on the sofa, in his mind palace, but on the table was plans to rebuild 221B as it was before, with some improvements. John already said he is moving back in, and Rosie is following, so the new plans have to be prepared for a little girl. Sherlock was happy about that, Greg knew it, he could see it. Sherlock might not mentioning this to anyone but he knew the man was happy to have things as it was before.

He watched Sherlock and thought about the Holmes brothers, both a whirlwind on his own and he was fortunate enough to be in both of their wind. He had planned to spend the rest of his life with the older brother, but the wind swept everything in a different direction. Now, he didn’t know what he wanted or what he wanted to do about the oldest, on top of that the youngest is living with him, making him feel that for whatever reason, he cant escape a Holmes, even if he wanted to.

He did ask Sherlock to stay here, because he and John, still wasn’t a hundred percent right, but things are getting there. That’s why he decided that tonight he was going out, alone.

He waited till six, made sure Sherlock was safe inside, with tea next to him and food in the microwave if he wanted to and left. He made his way to his favorite sports pub to just get out, talk with some people, have a beer and relax. That was the keyword; ‘relax’ and ‘normality’. He was happy to find that a game was one, a Champions league, his Arsenal boys against one of the best in the world. The red shirts of his team was a nice contrast to the black and white stripes of the Italian team they were playing. Currently it was still 0-0 but there was still time and the teams were good. Ordering his first pint he found a nice comfortable spot and switched off his mind.

It was a very good idea, half time finished some time ago and the score was 1-1, the game was tough and a very good distraction. His third pint was nearly finished so that also helped him to relax. The black and white team was good, and Greg knew they were going to win, his red boys had an injury and that is damaging their prospects of winning. If they loose they are out of the championship.

About five minutes to end time Greg’s phone buzzed. He was off work, so it can only be personal, for a moment he really hoped Sherlock didn’t destroy his flat as well.

Still he answered without looking at the screen.

“Lestrade?” Greg answered his eyes still glued to the screen.

“Good evening Gregory, I hope you're fine today.” The voice, smooth and clear, it send shivers down his spine, he froze, he really should learn to take a call with looking at the screen first.

“Mycroft, I’m fine thanks.” He replied, his voice relaxed, and he knew he had the beer to thank for that.

Mycroft told something but there were a lot of noise in the pub so Greg looked down trying to hear better.

“Sorry Mycroft, I can't hear you I’m watching an Arsenal match in the pub. Is it important?”

The line went dead, Greg look at the phone, did Mycroft really just hang up on him?” Just that moment a roar went up and he saw how Arsenal lost to the Italians in a spectacular showdown. The call for a moment forgotten it was brought back when his phone alerted him to an incoming text.

“ _ **I couldn’t hear you either. I was wondering…I received a bottle of Balvenie, and was wondering if you were amendable, would you like to share with me a glass? MH**_

 

Greg read the text, whiskey with Mycroft, he invited him over, he wondered for a brief moment if Mycroft had an ulterior motive but pushed it aside, no they would always share a bottle of some sort that Mycroft would get from work or colleagues. He missed that, Mycroft is trying and he really should say no, Yes, he is going to say no.

 

“ _Sure match is over in few minutes, text me your new address, and it better be some good posh whiskey. GL”_

 

It wasn’t even a minute when the message came through, with the address. Greg ran his his hand through his hair, why did he say yes, oh yeah, cause he missed Mycroft and would take anything that gets thrown at him, that reminds him off their old life. He was so desperate for a small bit of hope that he is taking it. Finishing his beer he paid for the drinks and left before the final rush of people to leave. Flagging down a cab he gave his address of Mycroft’s temporary place. He just hope that the he can be a clear head about it.

 

 

Mycroft look down at his phone the bottle already opened and two glasses on the small table. He took a risk and he really didn’t think Greg would accept, he was glad but he didn’t mind. Maybe this was a new start a fresh way to rebuilt that what was broken, this could be a new start.

The doorbell rang and he went to answer it. Greg stood in the doorway staring at Mycroft.

“Hi.”

“Good evening Gregory. Please come in.” Greg followed him into the house, it was mostly bare and none of the décor that Mycroft had in the old house or liked. Mycroft poured them each a drink and Greg drank his, it was good, it was really good. He looked at Mycroft dressed only in his trouser shire and waistcoat with his shoes. He looked so relaxed and sexy that Greg drank his glass, it was a mistake coming here, seeing Mycroft like this. He put the glass down and walked to Mycroft with deliberate steps. His anger was replaced with lust and the need to make Mycroft come undone. Mycroft hardly had the time to put his glass done before he was cornered by Greg. He didn’t even try to push Greg away, instead he pulled him closer. Both of them knew in the back of their minds that this was a bad idea, but neither could stop it.

 

 _I'm coming for you_  
_I need to feel your skin_  
_I'm coming for you_  
_To stop this crawling_  
  
_I'm taking my place_  
_By your side_  
_And I'm not leaving_  
_Until I'm satisfied_  
  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way_  
_Only one way_  
_Only one way_  
_Only one way_  


 

There are two different way of sleeping for a spy, or former spy, who occupies a minor position in British government; the first one is with all senses on high alert when he’s around the world, waking up at any noise; the second one is when the spy is sleeping in his secured house, with his beloved partner as his side, so he can rest properly.

When Mycroft woke up that morning he knew that what happened the night before was not a dream, it had been an animated night but it was worth all of it.

He rolled on the other side of the king size bed. It was empty and cold. Mycroft stood up immediately, searching for Greg, no traces of his clothes, no one in the bathroom, may be cooking breakfast... nobody in the kitchen. Gregory had left the secure house. He left, without saying goodbye, without anything. Mycroft sagged down on the nearest chair, his head in his hands. The regret felt like a huge punch in his stomach, he knew it was wrong, they both knew it was too soon, too much for them to deal, he shouldn’t have called Greg over, he should’ve waited.

His phone buzzed with a text.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone or have any contact with the outside world, sighing he picked it up. It was from Gregory.

 

“ _My. I'm so sorry if I’ve been bit rude last night, Sex is always amazing with you, but it's not the right way to soothe my soul and it wasn’t the right time. GL”_

 

 _I'm coming for you_  
_My body's hungry_  
_I'm coming for you_  
_Like a junkie_  
  
_I can't stop_  
_Desire in me_  
_I'm not waiting_  
_Patiently_  
  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_Only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_Only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_Only one way to soothe my soul_  
_Only one way to soothe my soul_  
_There's only one way_  
_Only one way_  
_There's only one way to soothe my soul_  
_Only one way to soothe my soul_  
_Only one way_  
_Only one way_  
_Only one way_

 

 

_(Soothe My Soul – Depeche Mode- Delta Machine - 2013)_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, no path is straight and smooth. In this chapter our boys has a small hiccup in their relationship and therapy. Mistakes are made and there are regrets, however, nothing is as it seems on the surface. Luckily they do have someone who makes them talk about it.  
> Sometimes a set back allows a greater comeback, after all, would they have made this amount of progress if Euros never happened?


	8. The Promise You made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I gave you my soul for a piece of your mind  
> Would you carry me with you to the far edge of time?  
> Could you understand if you found me untrue  
> Would we become one, or divided in two?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "put the earbuds in and live it with us once more..."

**The Promise You Made**

**chapter 8**

 

 

_If I laid down my love to come to your defense_

_Would you worry for me with a pain in your chest?_

_Could I rely on your faith to be strong_

_To pick me back up and to push me along?_

_Tell me:_

_You’ll be there in my hour of need_

_You won’t turn me away_

_Help me out of the life I lead_

_Remember the promise you made._

_Remember the promise you made._

 

It has been two days since Greg left in the middle of night, he didn’t receive a reply from Mycroft after the whole fiasco, he did felt guilty, but as he said a one night of amazing sex isn’t going to fix everything. He missed Mycroft, yes and the idea that they can be together again is heaven, but until he can't forgive and Mycroft sorts out his problems, there will always be some kind of tension, an underlying worry of distrust and deceit. They need to work this out, and he will admit it, he most likely set them back a few steps. Five steps forward and two steps back. He wonders what the next session is going to be like. Oh god, just the idea already gives him a headache.

Well, one way to find out, they have a meeting together this afternoon and he will find out, if he completely messed it all up.

Mycroft was already there and had seated himself on the end of the sofa, his legs folded and his fingers twitching. He was nervous. When Greg walked in, he saw the relief on Mycroft’s face. Greg felt even more guilty.

They looked at each other, and with a sigh Greg ran his hand through his hair before he sat down. After an awkward silence Greg turned to him.

“I am sorry about the other night, I shouldn’t have did what I did, not like that…that was a low….”

“There is no need to apologize.” Mycroft interrupted. Before Greg could reply, Mycroft went on.

“I had some time to reflect and you were right, it was good, however I should have taken into account the match, that you’re team was playing and your alcohol in take before hand. Three pints doesn’t do well with a glass of whiskey and some emotional turmoil.” Mycroft was giving him a way out, a ‘get out of jail free card’ and Greg wasn’t going to take it.

“Its no excuse, I should’ve treated you better, the truth was, seeing you so relaxed with your shirtsleeves it felt like we were back home, and God how I have missed you, your smell, your body, your presence all of you, and I may have been aware, I was still drunk enough to be weak for you and give in to that. I should’ve gone home, and I’m sorry.”

Mycroft looked away for a moment as Greg’s words sunk in, he knew exactly what Greg meant, as Greg may have had more to drink, but he? He was completely sober and wanted it just as much as he did, a small part cant deny the thrill and hope that Greg missed him, and wanted him just as much. It may have been the wrong time, but he will never regret it. He just hope that they both can move on from this. He turned to Greg and gave a small nod.

“I accept your apology if you accept mine and allow us both to move on from this.”

Greg smiled, and it was the first real smile in a few days. He nodded his agreement.

“Yes. And we will move on from this.”

“Good.”

With the atmosphere lighter than before they waited for the doctor. The door opened about five minutes later.

The doctor immediately could tell something had happened, but didn’t say anything, it will come out, when it is supposed to. He had his suspicions about what had happened but it was up to them. Moving to his desk he greeted them and asked them about their day and so on before he sat down and turned serious.

“Okay, so we made real progress these past few days, and I think that the both of you is doing very well. Now I was wondering Greg if you can or at least try to tell me the sweetest memory you have since you have been with Mycroft?” Both frowned in confusion.

“My what? Sweetest memory?”

“The other day you shared a memory while we smoked, but I want one, that you never expected, never thought would happen and it did, and it is something you would treasure forever, regardless what happens.

Greg looked down as he thought before his face softens and a smile appeared on his face. He turned to the doctor.

“It was my day off, I don’t have many of them, and I usually tried to arrange it so that Mycroft would be off too, or at least get home early, this day it didn’t work out like that, or so I thought….” Mycroft swallowed as he knew exactly what memory Greg is referring to. 

“Mycroft went to work at usual time 7.00 a.m. and I went out for a run as it was a sunny day. It was the 26th of April, last year….” 

Greg looked away over the doctor’s shoulder as he remembered.

oOo

Gregory ran his miles and as usual he would stop to rest on the bench near the small lake at the left side of the park, it’s a quiet place, not far from home.

When he arrived there he saw Mycroft sitting relaxed on the bench, he had the brightest smile Greg had never saw before,

“Sunny day for a run Gregory, such a beautiful location.” Greg laughed as he made his way to Mycroft .

“Hi Gorgeous, what are you doing here?” Greg asked as he leaned in to kiss Mycroft, who deepened the kiss keeping his arms around him, as they parted Greg grinned at him.

“Oh! Mr. Holmes are you so spontaneous this morning, making out in a public place…. You are going to ruin your posh suit ‘cause my clothes are wet with sweat.” 

Mycroft pulled Greg tighter and whispered.

“I don’t mind my suit Gregory , I’ve got plenty of them. But I’ve only got one of you…”

Mycroft looked deeply in his eyes.

“Gregory, would you marry me?”

oOo oOo

Greg cleared his throat to get rid of the lump that had formed, he turned to the doctor.

“That is my sweetest memory. It was so spontaneous and I never thought he would ask, then I went and bought the rings, it was my secret Christmas present for Mycroft, as he was at his parents house, I couldn’t go, as I was on call, so I left it on his pillow so he would find it when he came home, I wanted to see that smile on his face again, oh I wanted it so much.”

Greg sighed, at his left side, seated on an armchair, Mycroft Holmes was silently crying.

Dr. Jeffries turned to him. “Mycroft do you need us to stop for a while?” Mycroft shook his head.

“No thanks. Let’s go on.” He didn’t turn to Greg. The doctor went on.

“What happened ?” Before Greg could go on Mycroft answered.

“I never found them. My brother killed Magnussen and we fell down in hell.”

Greg rolled his eyes .

“Always seeing only your side of the story, Mycroft. It was you! You pushed Sherlock to kill him. Magnussen was a menace for you and your department. Did he know something about you? Maybe about Sherrinford? You manipulated you brother as you always did with everyone!” Greg shouted. Mycroft turned to him, surprise all over his face.

“Not you Gregory, I never did, I swear it.”

“May be not manipulated, ‘cause I’m older, I’m a cop, I had a psychological training, but surely you lied to me a lot and I certainly did not deserve it from my partner. Not from the man who asked me to marry him.” 

“I could not tell you all my thoughts, it was impossible for me at that time, there was a high security clearance on it.”

“Oh Mycroft, please! The security clearance is not a problem, as you can change it as you like, if it was, we would not be here in front of our therapist. And you know what the best, I really wanted to marry you, I thought this was it, he finally trust me enough, loves me enough to make a part of his life, but how could you? How could you make me your husband if the lies were bigger than your commitment to me, to us?” 

T he silence was heavy, Mycroft blinked before he turned to Greg.

“Our therapist?”

Greg laughed in a hollow tone.“That’s what you take out of it?”

Dr. Jeffries, closed his file and stood up. They turned to them.

“I’m going to take a small break, lets call it a bathroom break while you talk among yourselves, I'll be right back.” They watched as he got up and left them alone. Greg got up from the sofa and walked towards the window, looking out to the garden and city skyline behind them. 

Mycroft turn to Greg repeating.

“You said “our”, Gregory. Do I have to presume it was just a mistake ? or…” he left the words unspoken.

Greg kept on staring outside. His hand in his pockets:

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, this is not one of them. When I told you to find a therapist for your nightmare, and to get help to go beyond this bloody mess you’ve made with your life, my life, Sherlock’s life.. and so on… I meant it ‘cause it’s true that I’m not able to forgive your lies at the moment, but I admit I need the same help as you do. And maybe we both can find a way out of this, because I truly believe that some things aren’t worth throwing away. This is major problems, but we did had good time, and I need to believe that, those good times can be strong enough to overcome the bad things, if I didn’t, we are both wasting our time here. “

Mycroft stood behind Greg, he put his hand over the older man's shoulder. Greg didn’t pull away, instead he slightly moved closer, it filled Mycroft with hope. He was right, it was one big bloody mess, but they wouldn’t be here, if they didn’t believe some good could come out of it. Greg was the first person in his entire life that he considered to marry, the only man who broke through his walls and took away the loneliness.

“Gregory we can do that together. Please tell me every single anger that had bite your heart during those years, I’ll do the same with you. I'll tell you everything I have in my mind and my soul. We can overtake all this anger and sorrow together, my love.” Greg closed his eyes and lifted his hand to put on Mycroft’s shoulder, he continued to look out but gave a small nod. Together.

 

_If I gave you my soul for a piece of your mind_

_Would you carry me with you to the far edge of time?_

_Could you understand if you found me untrue_

_Would we become one, or divided in two?_

_Please tell me:_

_You’ll be there in my hour of need_

_You won’t turn me away_

_Help me out of the life I lead_

_Remember the promise you made._

_Remember the promise you made._

 

_(The Promise You Made- Cock Robin 1984)_

 

 


	9. Still Falling For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Greg and Mycroft was still standing against the window when the doctor returned. He walked into the room and for a moment thought they left when he caught them at the window..."

**Still Falling For You.**

**Chapter 9**

 

_Fire and ice_

_This love is like fire and ice_

_This love is like rain and blue skies_

_This love is like sun on the rise_

_This love got me rolling the dice_

_Don't let me lose_

_Still falling for you_

_Still falling for you_

 

_Beautiful mind_

_Your heart got a story with mine_

_Your heart got me hurting at times_

_Your heart gave me new kind of highs_

_Your heart got me feeling so fine_

_So what to do_

_Still falling for you_

_Still falling for you_

 

Greg and Mycroft was still standing against the window when the doctor returned. He walked into the room and for a moment thought they left when he caught them at the window. Mycroft hand was on Greg’s shoulder and Greg was inclined to him. He smiled and shook his head slightly, those two are meant to be, they just need to communicate and sort out this chasm of pain and hurt and build a bridge that will take them from this hurt to something better, something they can grow into. Its like a garden that is overgrown with weeds and scattered pebbles, they must clean it up so they can enjoy the relaxing atmosphere it will bring. The potential for something amazing is there and he can see that both of them is fighting tooth and nail for it, they must just continue.

He closed the door with thud to get their attention, he didn’t want to break the moment, but they have made tremendous progress and he needs one more breakthrough before they go for the day.

They turned towards him and he made his way to his desk, they glimpsed at one another before making their way back to the sofa. Both reaching for the water bottles and drinking a few gulps before they sat back.

“Greg I want to thank you for sharing that memory, it is beautiful and you should always keep it close. Now..” With that he turned to Mycroft.

“I want you to do the same, if you are able, I want you to share your sweetest memory, one that you keep close at all times. That just the thought of it would make you smile.” Mycroft looked at Greg before he briefly close his eyes to sort through his files, he had so many happy memories with Greg, in fact 90% of his happy memories is about Greg, he didn’t really had a childhood fairytale and his university years is uncomfortable. The truth is, he only started labeling his memories as happy since he met Greg. But there is one, one he never thought would happen again. He opened his eyes.

“I’m choosing this memory because it made me realize how fortunate I am to have Gregory in my life.” He turned to Greg.

“You need to know, that I only realized what happy and sweet memories are since we are together, I have made some serious and horrible mistakes in my life, and somehow they all decided to come to life recently. This memory is after the first…the first betrayal when you found it in you to forgive me and give me a second chance.” He turned back to the doctor.

“I always thought I was meant to be alone and after Sherlock’s death and I let Gregory go, I convinced myself that it was fine, the way it should be, but he would haunt me. Everywhere I went, Gregory would be there, with me and I found myself alone, like before, but this time it hurt more….when Gregory found out the truth and confronted me, was something I will never forget, we talked at the morgue for hours and slowly we rebuild our relationship, we decided to take it slow. A lunch here and a dinner there. About a two months after that he sort of invited himself to spend the weekend.” Greg smiled as he remembered. He did. It was Champions League and Mycroft had an amazing home theatre system. He glanced at Mycroft as he told the story.

“I offered to cook for him and he accepted. He came the Friday night, and we had dinner. It felt right, the way it was supposed too, just like I remembered. After dinner I took the plates to the kitchen and offered to refill our wine, Greg decided to make sure the sound system was ‘properly set-up’ by playing some music. He loves music, he would always hum some song, or beat it with his fingers or pen on a desk, it is quite fascinating to watch.

A song played, I have no idea who it was, but Gregory did and he started to slowly sung along. I tried to listen to the lyrics but I was more focused on Gregory as he was looking at me when he sang. He indicated that I must go to him, and somehow my brain listened as I found myself walking to him, we started to slowly dance with the music and he sang in my ear.

 

_It took us a while_

_With every breath a new day_

_With love on the line_

_We've had our share of mistakes_

_But all your flaws and scars are mine_

_Still falling for you_

_Still falling for you_

 

“My hands clutched on to him as I tried to hold on, because I was falling, where to I didn’t know, but I didn’t care. Gregory was holding me and everything was right and good.” Mycroft looked to his hands as he remembered, both his hands were tight in fist, his knuckles were white. He closed his eyes as he remembered.

oOo

They were slowly dancing, Greg was leading and Mycroft didn’t mind as he would go anywhere Greg would lead. Somehow during the song they had shifted so that Greg was looking at him as he sang. Mycroft stopped long ago to listen to the lyrics, his mind would save it anyway, he opted to focus on Greg, the brown eyes nearly black with the light casting rays of amber between them. He can get and would get lost in them willingly. Greg smiled at him and then let go of his one arm that was on his hips, he had a moment of panic and Greg soothed that by placing the hand on his cheek.

“You captivate me.” Greg whispered before he leaned in and kissed him. Mycroft would always remember the taste of Greg’s lips and after so many months of absence it tasted like home, the way it should be, his senses overwhelm him. The size of Greg’s hand in the small of his back, he didn’t even know how it ended underneath his waistcoat, but he didn’t mind. It still fitted perfectly. He still fitted perfectly in Greg’s arms and when the kiss turned deeper and they ended up in bed, they still moved together in perfect synchronization, they still fitted perfectly on the bed, in each other and it was all just perfect. The way moved together as one, breathed as one, kissed as one, they still ended up as one.

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_

_I'm still falling for you_

_Still falling for you_

 

_Falling, crashing_

_Falling, crashing_

 

_Oh!_

_Still falling_

 

_Oh!_

_Falling, crashing_

_Falling, crashing_

 

_Oh!_

_Still falling for you_

 

oOo oOo

 

“Mycroft?” He blinked and looked up. The doctor was watching him with concern, Greg had leaned closer but was calm.

“Excuse me?” He asked.

“We lost you there for a moment.” The doctor replied. Seeing the look on Mycroft’s face he went on.

“Greg said it happens a lot, you go into your mind palace.”

Mycroft nodded.

“He is right, I apologize, I..” He didn’t know how to explain himself but the doctor understood.

“Got lost in a memory. Its quite all right.”

Greg sat back against the backrest his outstretched arm, touching Mycroft’s shoulder. The doctor smiled. They would always find a way to touch one another. They had made some real progress here today.

 

 

_Brighter than gold_

_This love shining brighter than gold_

_This love is like letters in bold_

_This love is like out of control_

_This love's never growing old_

_You make it new_

_Still falling for you_

_Still falling for you_

 

_It took us a while_

_'Cause we were young and unsure_

_With love on the line_

_What if we both would need more_

_But all your flaws and scars are mine_

_Still falling for you_

_Still falling for you_

_Still falling for you_

 

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_

_I'm still falling for you_

_I'm still falling for you_

_I'm still falling for you_

 

 

_(Still falling for you- Ellie Goulding- “Bridget Jones's Baby Original Soundtrack -2016)_

 


	10. Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You two had sex, didn’t you?” 
> 
> "Where there is desire  
> There is gonna be a flame  
> Where there is a flame  
> Someone’s bound to get burned..."

**Try**

**Chapter 10**

 

 

 _Ever wonder about what he’s doing_  
_How it all turned to lies_  
_Sometimes I think that it’s better to never ask why_  
_Where there is desire_  
_There is gonna be a flame_  
_Where there is a flame_  
_Someone’s bound to get burned_  
_But just because it burns_  
_Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die_  
_You’ve gotta get up and try try try_  
_Gotta get up and try try try_  
_You gotta get up and try try try_

 

Dr. Jeffries requested to see them the following day again, usually he would wait a few days, but as he said, they made great breakthroughs and he wants one session before giving them a few days off. Instead of the bottle of water they Mycroft had a cup or tea and Greg some coffee. They sat back on the sofa, just like the previous day, only this time the atmosphere was a lot more light and relaxed. They had come to some unknown, unspecified arrangement, they didn’t know the exact details, but it was there. They were doing this. The doctor smiled, yes they were going to be okay, but today will be the definite deal breaker, he was sure of it. This will give them the push in the right direction. They were stubborn, but he had saved this story for a moment like this. He turned to Mycroft.

“Are you still having that nightmare Mycroft?” Mycroft took a sip before placing the cup down.

“Yes, every night, always the same one, well….there was one night I didn’t had it. I slept well, I felt safe it was a dreamless night.” Mycroft glanced at Greg before looking down. Greg eyes widen in surprise as he added the facts and realized what night, Mycroft slept well, it happened to be the same night he slept well…that is until he left like a thief in the night.

The doctor wanted to roll his eyes, he knew exactly what had happened but still had to ask.

“That’s good Mycroft, as you told me before you sleep little, but you still need time to recharge, if I may ask, why was this particular night different? Did you take a sleeping tablet?”

Mycroft shook his head.

“No, I didn’t. I don’t like medication much.”

“Then why did you sleep so well, as opposed to other nights?” He kept his face neutral as he watched them, Mycroft would look down but glance in Greg’s direction and Greg would ran his hands through his hair, a slight blush on his cheeks. Of for goodness sake. Two grown men, transformed into two teenagers in one moment. Ridiculous.

“You two had sex, didn’t you?”

The blush was instant, they looked at each other and away again, both trying to compose the smirks.

“Well it must have been very good, for you to have a dreamless sleep.”

“Huoum” Mycroft made some noise his face still red. Okay, time to get to the point.

“Mycroft, Greg, why are you so embarrassed about it, you’re in a committed relationship, for a few years now, you two have had sex before, and we are all adults here, it is a step ahead isn’t it?”

Mycroft thought of an answer, but Greg beat him to it.

“Yes, but it wasn’t the right circumstances, I left…in the middle of the night…I thought that I was doing more harm than good, and we weren’t ready and I had a few drinks….I shouldn’t have gone over.” Greg got up and started to pace around the room, closer and closer to the door. Ready to escape if he needed. Mycroft turned to Greg.

“You’re not the only one at fault. I shouldn’t have invited you.”

The doctor stood up.

“Greg, please calm down, sit please.” Greg glanced at him then at Mycroft before he sat back on the sofa. Mycroft leaned over to Greg and took his hand. The doctor sat back as well before he spoke.

“Okay so let me get this straight, Mycroft you invited him over, Greg you went and you ended up having sex.”

They both blushed and nodded.

“The short version yes.” Mycroft said.

“Okay, lets go on, and please there is nothing to be embarrassed about, I do have many years of experience in my field and have heard it all, pretty much, so Mycroft, you invited him, Greg went, you had sex, but afterwards, Greg you had second thoughts and left without saying anything.” Greg nodded.

“I really felt miserable for what I’ve done...” The doctor held out his hand in a open gesture. He turned back to Mycroft.

“Why did you invite him?”

“I received a bottle of rare whiskey and I knew how much Gregory liked it..”

“The real reason Mycroft.” The doctor interrupted. Mycroft pouted, he wasn’t use to be interrupted so many times as he has this past few weeks. Sighing he cleared his throat and said.

“I missed Gregory, I missed having him around me, I missed his presence, it was and still is soothing to my mind, I just wanted to be around him, that wasn’t in this room.”

Greg looked down and squeezed Mycroft’s hand in silent comfort. He understood exactly what he meant. The doctor smiled and turned to Greg.

“What is the real reason you accepted?”

“Because I wanted the same thing. I missed him, he always makes me feel better about anything and I went out because I wanted to relax and let go of the tension, and the pub helped, the match did it, but it wasn’t enough because for some reason my normal, my relaxation is with him.”

This time it was Mycroft that squeezed Greg’s hand they looked at each other both with small smiles. The doctor was impressed and smiled. He picked up a book that was on the side of the table and opened it on the page where he left a bookmark.

“Are any of you aware of the Myth of Aristophanes?” The shook their heads.

“It is from Plato’s Symposium and if you are okay with the idea, I would like to read you and extract?”

Glancing at each other they turned back to the doctor and nodded.

Clearing his throat he started to read.

 

“ _Once upon a time, there were three kinds of human beings: male, descended from the sun; female, descended from the earth; and androgynous, with both male and female_

_elements, descended from the moon. Each human being was completely round, with four arms and fours legs, two identical faces on opposite sides of a head with four ears,_

_and all else to match._ _As they were powerful and unruly and threatening to scale the heavens, Zeus devised to cut them into two ‘like a sorb-apple_ _“_ _After that, human beings_

_longed for their other half so much that they searched for it all over. When they found it, they wrapped themselves around it very tightly and did not let go. As a result, they_

_started dying from hunger and self-neglect._ _This is the origin of our desire for other human beings. Those of us who desire members of the opposite sex were previously_

_androgynous, whereas men who desire men and women who desire women were previously male or female. When we find our other half, we are ‘lost in an amazement of love_

_and friendship and intimacy’ that cannot be accounted for by a simple appetite for sex, but rather by a desire to be whole again, and restored to our original nature. Our_

_greatest wish, if we could have it, would then be for Hephaestus to meld us into one another so that our souls could be at one, and share once more in a common fate._ _“_

 

The doctor closed the book. His eyes on the two men, both were drawn to the story and he knew his intention had been received and understood, he just needed to confirm that they are on the same page.

“So guys, as both of you think to have found his other half, don’t you two think that it is time to stop hurting one another and come to an agreement, to either part for good, or make the deliberate decision to stay together and work through this, right now both of you are trying to stand on the line between walking away and walking together, now I can see you two still love each other very much and care very much for one another, don’t you realize you need one another and need to work together through this, instead of against one another?

 

It was quiet and both looked away before looking at the doctor, as one they nodded and the doctor felt like face palming himself against his desk. Why don’t they come out and say it?

“Can you say it out loud please?”

Mycroft straighten his back before he turned to Greg.

“Gregory, I think its time to move forward together, would you.. do you agree?” Greg turned to Mycroft.

“Yeah, together, for real. We can try again.”

 

 

 _Funny how the heart can be deceiving  
More than just a couple times  
Why do we fall in love so easy  
Even when it’s not right  
Where there is desire_  
_There is gonna be a flame_  
_Where there is a flame_  
_Someone’s bound to get burned_  
_But just because it burns_  
_Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die_  
_You’ve gotta get up and try try try_  
_Gotta get up and try try try_  
_You gotta get up and try try try_  
_Ever worried that it might be ruined_  
_And does it make you wanna cry?_  
_When you’re out there doing what you’re doing_  
_Are you just getting by?_  
_Tell me are you just getting by by by_

 

The doctor counted to ten before he called their attention back to them.

“Good, now as close this session, I suggest you start again, slowly, to get to know each other, go have dinner, lunch, take walks whatever you fancy. In the meantime, now that we have the two of you sorted – kind of - it’s time to figure out, why you have this need to be secretive Mycroft and where did it stem from. I know you have a secretive job, but this came from your younger years, my bet is your childhood and as Greg said yesterday, ‘this big mess about life’ includes your brother as well, so I want to see you and Sherlock. Soon.” Mycroft looked nauseous for a moment.

“Sherlock? My childhood, is that necessary?”

“Yes. I think there is a lot of things unsaid between the two of you, and it is time, we get you both on the same page.”

Mycroft nodded. Oh this is going to be great.

 

 _Where there is desire_  
_There is gonna be a flame_  
_Where there is a flame_  
_Someone’s bound to get burned_  
_But just because it burns_  
_Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die_  
_You’ve gotta get up and try try try_  
_Gotta get up and try try try_

 

_(Try - P!nk -The Truth About Love - 2013)_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Symposium is a philosophical text by Plato dated c. 385–370 BC.  
> It concerns itself at one level with the genesis, purpose and nature of love, and (in latter-day interpretations) is the origin of the concept of Platonic love.  
> The Aristophanes' speech is one of Plato's most brilliant literary achievements .  
> (Wikipedia)


	11. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Late night Lestrade?” Greg spun around, smiling at Sherlock and poured another cup. Sherlock smiled; sometimes he thinks people are like housecats, well trained. Greg especially, so caring.  
> “Morning. Did I wake you? Sorry about that… here you go. Oh and it wasn’t so late.” Greg replied and pushed the mug towards Sherlock. Taking the mug he looked at him.  
> “I’m always awake, however yesterday was much earlier than the four in the morning sneaking you did you do the previous week.”...

**Broken**

** Chapter 11 **

_If you want control_

_Without any pain_

_How long will you suffer_

_How long you reign_

_You see the friend that I knew_

_Cannot be found_

_Replaced by another_

_Wearing his crown_

_There's a place where I go_

_Without any sound_

_Only you can reach me_

_Only you're allowed_

****

London was hit with a few days of rain, not unexpected but as always, a bit inconvenient.   Sherlock was in his mind palace, he received a message that he was wanted by his brother’s therapist.  They had an appointment for tomorrow.  Sherlock didn’t want to go; the last thing on his list is to share memories with his big brother.  He was glad that Mycroft had decided to seek help, but really why should he be there?  

It was Mycroft’s decision and choices, this barely involves him.  Okay, not really, but he would much rather be spending his time fixing his flat, and working on his relationship with John and Rosie.  They are preparing their bond, their friendship and every moment counts. 

Sherlock blinked and then pulled his nose.  There was a smell in the air…oh coffee… Lestrade must be up and making coffee.   There was other smells mixing with that of the coffee and he quickly deduced that it was breakfast.  About time, he was getting hungry.   Standing up he walked to the kitchen.  As predicted Greg was making breakfast, still dressed in his pyjamas and barefoot.

Leaning against the doorway he broke the silence.

“Late night Lestrade?”  Greg spun around, smiling at Sherlock and poured another cup.  Sherlock smiled; sometimes he thinks people are like housecats, well trained.  Greg especially, so caring.

“Morning.  Did I wake you?  Sorry about that… here you go.  Oh and it wasn’t so late.” Greg replied and pushed the mug towards Sherlock.   Taking the mug he looked at him.

“I’m always awake, however yesterday was much earlier than the four in the morning sneaking you did you do the previous week.”  Greg blushed and looked away.

“You heard that?” 

“An elephant in a crystal glass shop was more subtle.”  Sherlock replied as he drank his coffee.

“Well it has nothing to do with you, so drop it.”  Greg replied and Sherlock narrowed his eyes, ooh defensive, he likes that.   
“From the happy mood and humming you did this morning your mood had improved since last week, so evidently your relationship with my brother has improved…again.”

“Drink your coffee, have breakfast and back off.” Greg replied as turned around to dish up for them.  Taking his plate he ignored Sherlock and went to the table, his mind already far gone.  Sherlock looked at him, shrugged and picked his plate to eat in the living room.

Greg thought back to yesterday’s session and they decided on taking ‘slowly’ it was good advice; they need to find one another all over again, rebuild their relationship on solid ground, with honesty and trust.   They can do this.  They will survive this.

By lunchtime Greg had cleaned most of the apartment, ran for a few miles, and did the laundry – Sherlock’s included - the man itself was nowhere.  Left after breakfast.   Looking in the fridge he decided on some leftovers for lunch when his phone rang.  It was Mycroft, taking a breath he answered.

“Good afternoon Gregory, how is your day so far?”  Greg could hear the meaning behind the call. ‘ _I miss you.’_

“Hi Mycroft, good, did some exercise, cleaning and laundry.” The meaning in his voice clear. ‘ _It’s not the same without you.’_  

Mycroft took a breath before he spoke again.

“I was wondering if you would like to go to the theatre with me tonight.  Anthea got two tickets for a play called “The mouse trap” but she got the flu and gave them to me.”   _‘I want to take you out on a date, say yes.’_

Greg smiled at the idea of going out with Mycroft, they used to go to the theatre on many occasions, and it was special to them.  He nodded.

“Yeah?  I have never seen it before.” _“Tell me it’s a date, please.”_

“Brilliant.  I will pick you up at 06:45, and if you’d like we can get some dinner too?  Maybe at that small Italian place we used to go?” _‘”t is most certainly a date.  I remember the name, do you?”_

“La Cantina?  I’d love too, they have excellent desert.”  _‘I use to make you share my desert with me.’_

“I remember I’ll make us reservations.” _‘I can’t wait to see you, to be with you.’_

“I’ll be ready.” _‘I’ve been ready for a long time, we can start again.’_

 

Greg ate a small snack to hold him over until dinner; he had a very long hot relaxing shower, shaved and was standing now in front of his wardrobe.  He had to look perfect for tonight.

He settled on his favorite trousers, tight-fitting, but not too tight, a blue shirt that reminded him of Mycroft’s eyes and the jacket Mycroft bought him once, it was a favorite for both of them.  Five minutes before 6.45 he was waiting outside, ready.

_Then you're so far away_

_You're so far from here_

_Do you remember_

_A time without tears_

_When you're falling I will catch you_

_You don't have to fall that far_

_You can make it, I will be there_

_You were broken from the start_

The seats were one of the best in the whole theatre, the perfect location to see the whole stage without losing the act.  The curtain opened to a dark stage, a radio in the distance was playing, it was a news report about a murder that took place somewhere in London.  The murderer was wearing a dark coat, white scarf and a dark soft hat.

Greg was listening, it was kind of second nature to him now, to listen to a scene, even a staged one.  Mycroft turned to him and whispered. 

“It’s an Agatha Christie’s Mystery, tell me Gregory, shall we raise the stacks and place a small wager on who is the murderer?”  Greg smiled broadly as he faced Mycroft.

“Definitely, what is the winner’s reward?”  Mycroft pretended to be in deep thought before he replied.

“The winner chooses the next date.”  Mycroft held out his hand as if to shake on it.  Greg’s was enjoying this, instead of shaking Mycroft’s hand he intertwined their fingers, holding their hands close.

“Deal. Get ready to lose.”  Mycroft looked at their hands, Greg was holding as if he was never going to let go.  He didn’t mind at all.

 

_When you're falling I will catch you_

_You don't have to fall that far_

_You can make it, I will be there_

_You were broken from the start_

 

After one hour from the beginning of the show the curtain closed for the intermission. Gregory woke up from limbo where their hands had been laced for whole time. As he left Mycroft’s hand the younger man stared at him trying to play around it.

“I hope you will keep holding my hand after the break as the lights will be switched off, and there has just been another murder on the stage, the body is still hot and the murderer is still around here… May I rely on your protection during the evening, Detective Inspector?”   Mycroft tried to look serious but failed, the corners of his mouth was twitching and his eyes sparkled.  

Greg looked at him, his heart melting as never in the past weeks, he knew he had to be careful, their slow and the therapist version of slow might differ.   He played along.

“I can assure you Mr. Holmes, you are in safe hands, protected by the best of Scotland Yard, and I have already identified the murdered and will keep you safe and protected until they are apprehended.”  Mycroft looked at him and both failed to keep their laughing under control as they started to laugh.  Mycroft looked at Greg.

“Did you really know who did it?”

Greg fakes an offended look.

“Of course, this is my job, and I’m good with this, in fact, I’m so sure that I will write down who did it and we can see at the end.”

“Okay.” Mycroft agreed and then took out a pen and his ticket, he handed it over to Greg to write down.

“I’ll write mine, you write yours.” Greg took the pen with confidence and wrote down his name.  

With the names written down, they folded the tickets in half and gave it to each other to hold.  Just then the intermission was over and Greg leaned over to Mycroft.  He held out his hand all smiling.

“Your protection awaits.”  Mirroring the smile Mycroft took his hand.

“I feel safer already.”

_When you were a child_

_You'd dream all day long_

_You'd dream of the future_

_Get lost in your songs_

_Now that time is gone_

_It's lost for you now_

_Words long forgotten_

_Forgotten somehow_

 

As promised one hour and half later they were seated in their favourite spot at La Cantina.  They would come here after a play, their little spot away from prying eyes and more secluded than the rest.  A little spot of heaven for them only.  The bottle of wine was open, their glasses full, two plates of pasta was on the table. 

Even though they were supposed to take it slow, they immediately fell into their usual routine.  Two different kinds of pasta that they would share, a bottle of wine that they would finish, and good quality time.   Just like all the times before, Mycroft would dish his share in a small plate and Greg would refuse to it, claiming he would just take Mycroft’s plate when he was done, no need to dirty extra dishes.  Mycroft would smile at that, his eyes sparkling but give in. 

The evening so far was a success; they continued to hold hands as they walked to the restaurant talking about any and everything.  Mycroft looked towards Greg’s plate as he was done he just leaned closer and started eating from Mycroft’s plate.  His heart and mind revelled in that.  Swallowing down the food with some wine he looked at Mycroft.

“I can’t believe you won.  I was so sure.” He narrowed his eyes and pointed the glass in Mycroft’s direction.

“Did you know the plot?”

Mycroft’s hand froze mid-air, the pasta slipped off the fork.

 “I can assure you not, Gregory. I did not l... I would not bet if I knew the story, may be you can find it hard but believe me”

Gregory nodded reached out with his free hand to take Mycroft’s it was slightly trembling.  Greg smiled reassuringly.

“I do. I believe you this time.  For two reasons.”

Mycroft put the fork down and reach out with his other hand over the table; Greg immediately put his glass down and took his hand. 

“What are they?” Mycroft’s voice was hopeful.

“One; you don’t have any Agatha Christie’s books in your library…”

“The second one…”

Greg leaned over so that their faces were close enough that he could whisper.

“I trust you enough to not make the same mistake again.”  Mycroft’s eyes turned to a stormy grey and Greg knew he was right, he learned his lesson, Mycroft is giving it his all and that was just sexy.  Without worrying about where they were he closed the distance and kissed Mycroft.  It was supposed to be gentle, but Mycroft cupped his face and deepened the kiss.  

When they finally parted they were both out of breath, their lips red and swollen, their eyes sparkling and the smiles wide.

“Gregory…” Mycroft voice was soft, hesitant and Greg knew what he wanted to ask, he wanted the same thing.  But they couldn’t.

“We don’t have to do anything; I just want to hold you.”  Mycroft replied, he knew that they should take it slow and he made so many mistakes with Gregory in the past that he wasn’t going to do anything to mess that up.  Not again.  But he was right, he just wanted to have Greg close, just his presence is enough to calm him, to chase the nightmares away.  Greg leaned closer and gave him a gentle kiss.

“Okay.  I would love to hold you too.”

 

_When you're falling I will catch you_

_You don't have to fall that far_

_You can make it, I will be there_

_You were broken from the start_

_When you're falling I will catch you_

_You don't have to fall that far_

_You can make it, I will be there_

_You were broken from the start_

_When you're falling I will catch you_

_You don't have to fall that far_

_You can make it, I will be there_

_You were broken from the start_

 

_(Broken -  Depeche Mode – Delta Machine-2013)_


	12. Hey Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...The house seemed bigger tonight, the hallways darker than normal, the loneliness more profound than other evenings and it was all within reason. They silence was broken by the crying of a small child. It came from the second floor, on the west side, a small howling that spoke of the pain, the rejection of a small boy..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's time to put your earbuds in and live it with us once more..."

**Hey Brother**

** Chapter 12 **

oOo

 

The house seemed bigger tonight, the hallways darker than normal, the loneliness more profound than other evenings and it was all within reason.  They silence was broken by the crying of a small child.  It came from the second floor, on the west side, a small howling that spoke of the pain, the rejection of a small boy.  Today is his birthday, five years, and instead of celebrating, he felt more isolated than ever.  The door is open, the small bedside light illuminating the dark hallway.

He was lying face down his arms folded, head buried in the pillow.  A middle aged woman with greying hair and a soothing voice was trying to offer some kind of comfort.   It didn’t help.

The boy turned to her, his eyes red, the tears bright in the light.

“They promised!  They promised they would be here.  It’s my birthday.” His small body shook with new sobs and the women’s heart broke.  Her eyes caught the open letter on the table, another excuse, another engagement.

“Mycroft, please calm down, I’m sorry, but the engagement seemed very important.”

“They’re lying.  It’s just excuses not to be with me, the unwanted child.”  She had no response to that, after all, they both knew it was true.  Very crude and direct, but true nonetheless. 

The door creaked open and another woman stepped, the cook.

“I made him some hot chocolate and a few cupcakes, it’s not much, but it is his birthday.”  Her voice was soft, her eyes filled with tears, she and his nanny spend more time with him, than his own parents. 

“Poor boy.” She whispered. 

“I’m not poor, we are filthy rich, my parents are so rich, and they would rather see the world than their son.” Neither corrected him on the context. 

Instead the put the three cupcakes on the table with his hot chocolate.  The nanny took his hand.

 “We can have our own little party tomorrow we can bake a big cake with lots of candles.”  He looked at them, his blue eyes, near indigo from crying. 

“And we will go buy that small wooded train you liked.”

“Promise?”

They looked at each other and smiled.

“Promise.”  He looked at the hot chocolate, there was a melting marshmallow on top.

“Come on dear, have your hot chocolate. Oh and happy birthday Mycroft.”   His nanny said and handed him his drink, he gave her a light smile.

“Thank you. Breanna.  And you Katherine, for the cupcake.”

They smiled, his parents may not have teach him love and acceptance, but they sure got the manner part right.

 

oOo oOo

 

Mycroft alarm went off, it was time for his session with the doctor, this time with Sherlock.  He wasn’t in the mood, but he had to.  Standing up he glanced at the small wooded train on the shelf. 

Time to face the music squaring his shoulders he closed the shelf door. 

 

_Hey, brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover._   
_Hey, sister, know the water's sweet but blood is thicker._   
_Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,_   
_There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do._

 

 

When Sherlock got out from the cab in Lancaster Street he was very annoyed. His brother’s request for a joint session was annoying too. He did not understand why he had to delay with his brother's relationship problems.

In the first session they had, John was with him, he pulled a face, why John would rather work than being here is ridiculous.  The sound of another car approaching brought him back and he turned around to see the familiar black car stopping.  To his surprise both Mycroft and Greg got out, and Greg did that usual hovering nearby a person to make sure they are okay.  If their relationship was obviously better, why does he need to be here? 

Oh, now their smiling at one another, this day needs to end.  He put on his fake smile.

“Lestrade, Mycroft, I think my help is obsolete now, so I’ll just be going.” He said staring at them; they seemed so close again he didn't want to be the witness of their joy.  Mycroft look at his brother, his face straight.

“Sherlock, if you remove that agonizing smirk from your face, you will see that we are not here to annoy you, as tempting as that may be.”   Greg stepped in between them.

“Forget it My, it’s Sherlock.”   He turned back to Sherlock, his posture making it clear he will not stand for any retorts.  
“Come on, let’s go inside.”  Sherlock just sighed and followed them inside.   None of them saw Dr. Jeffries observing the interaction.  He waited for Mycroft and Sherlock to go in, but stopped Greg.

“A quick word?” Greg frowned but nodded.  Dr. Jeffries closed the door behind to give them some privacy.

”I saw the fight outside, it was odd, the last time I saw them together the air was not so heavy between them. Do you know what has happened? Anything that might have changed?”

Greg ran his fingers through his hair.

“John.  This is actually a good day, a good interaction, but you’re right, usually John acts as a go-between them, he calms Sherlock enough so he doesn’t say too many mean things to Mycroft.  John is the only person in the world Sherlock listens to, that has any positive influence over him.   Sherlock is distant without him, keep people at arm’s length, especially his brother, and call him his arch enemy.”

“Do you have any idea why?”

“John was the first person to accept Sherlock who wasn’t family or giving him cases like me, he instantly liked Sherlock, gave his loyalty to Sherlock and that said a lot.  I think he makes Sherlock feel accepted, without him Sherlock is exposed and alone, to his mind anyhow.”

Dr. Jeffries looked at him with a smile.

“That’s is a very good analysis, and very accurate description, you would’ve made a good therapist.|

Greg chuckled softly.

“I’m a cop, I think that is worse.”

Smiling the doctor opened the door for them to enter.  Sherlock was standing near the fireplace, trying his best to look bored.  Mycroft sat on the sofa in front of the desk, ignoring his brother, both heads turned to them as they walked in.  Greg gave Mycroft a reassuring smile and sat down next to him.  Mycroft’s hand shook slightly as he reaches for Greg, who took and clasped in his.  The doctor made his way to his desk and sat down.

“I thank you for being her – Sherlock you in particular -  I asked you all here because the time has come to find out what lead to Mycroft’s being so distant and cold towards everyone, as well the events that happened recently to open the vault to your history.” Sherlock stilled as the doctor spoke but otherwise he didn’t acknowledged what he said.  Everyone knew he heard anyway.

The doctor looked back at Mycroft, Mycroft was looking to something only he could see, and there was a daze in his eyes.  There were pain lines, whatever he was remembering it wasn’t comfortable.

“Mycroft?” He tried to get his attention.  Mycroft blinked and turned to him.

“I think we should start easy, can you perhaps tell me, what your childhood was like before your siblings were born.  You were alone for seven years.  What can you remember?”

Mycroft turned to the doctor; his eyes darted to Sherlock for less than a second before he answered.  His fist clenched just like that day he had to tell Sherlock about Euros, why is every memory so painful?

“Unwanted, I felt unwanted during most of my childhood, life even.  When I was born my parents were too young and too busy to build their career to look after a baby.  They didn’t plan me, didn’t expect to be parents so soon, and a married couple so young expecting was a big thing; the world expected them to be happy and excited to have a child.  Fortunately for them, they were wealthy and could afford babysitters, nannies and cooks to their heart’s content.”  As he spoke Sherlock stopped fidgeting with the ornament on top of the mantelpiece, his focus was on his brother, yet body turned away.  He never knew this, he never even asked his brother what it was before him and Euros, and he didn’t care.  He cared now.

“You come from a rich family?”  The doctor asked.  Mycroft nodded.

“Both of them come from wealthy families, my father s' mother came from an ancient Scottish family, he is a well-known historian, he spent all his life writing books and making studies about British history, my mother is a mathematician.  They did not have the time for me, so I spent all my time at Musgrave Manor with nannies and private teachers.  No cuddles, no time to spent together no fairy tales before falling asleep, at least, not from them.”

“Then nannies?”  Dr. Jeffries asked softly, Sherlock had turned so half his body was to them.

“They tried their best, but I was mostly alone, so I build my palace early on, and would keep myself busy for hours at a time.   For seven years it was just me, until the day they come home with the big announcement:  They were settling down as my Mummy was expecting her second child – this time wanted.”  Greg squeezed Mycroft’s hand, he never knew this either, and this explains so much.  Every psychiatrist and doctor will tell you, the first five years of a child’s life is the most crucial.  He looked at Sherlock.  Sherlock was staring at Mycroft, but trying not to make it obvious, his face lost that boring look, and instead it was thoughtful yet sad.   Since Euros, memories of his childhood came back, became clearer and he could remember Mycroft always distant, playing by himself, even at the beach, he would throw pebbles in the water while he and Victor would play.  Mycroft was always the outcast, he deleted that, and he deleted everything.  However now he realized that he wasn’t the only one suffering but he just didn’t pay attention.  He saw but he didn’t observe.  Unknowing of his brother’s thoughts as he was still looking to the doctor Mycroft continued.

“I was very happy to have my parents back to me even if I had to share them with Sherlock.”  The doctor scribbled notes before he spoke again.

“How was your relationship with Sherlock as a child?”

Sherlock heart ached when he saw the smile his brother got when he thought back; it was as if every pain line disappeared.

“Wonderful.  I felt less alone and somehow he preferred me above all, he was so cute and sweet with everybody, but he would get agitated and even started to cry if I left the room.  When he was older he would follow me everywhere, he would stare at me if I speak and his eyes would search for me if I walked around in the room.”  He looked at the doctor; a soft laugh escaped his mouth as he went on.

“His first words were actually ‘Myaup’ and it took us a while to realize he meant ‘Mycie up.’  I would walk around the grounds with him in my arms, telling him about our family history, the Musgrave Manor history, everything and anything I could think off.  I was the centre of his world and when I wasn’t around it would be Mummy.  Sherlock was a few months old when she fell pregnant again, they were hoping for a girl.”  He looked down again as the memories became painful.  His voice was hardly above a whisper when he added. “She got one.”

They were quiet for a while, each with his own thoughts, Sherlock somehow managed to move closer to his brother, behind the sofa, his eyes not leaving Mycroft.

 

  
_Hey, brother, do you still believe in one another?_  
 _Hey, sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?_  
 _Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,_  
 _There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do._

 

Sherlock moved a little closer to the sofa.

“I never knew... anything about it...”  Sherlock finally said.  Mycroft sighed.

“I know Sherlock, but you deleted it all, and I wasn’t going to remind you, so I helped you forget.”

“I forgot everything.”  Sherlock retorted, his voice becoming louder.  Mycroft looked up to the back wall behind Dr. Jeffries.

“That’s what you wanted.”

Before Sherlock could say anything again, the doctor held up his hand.  Sherlock stopped and the doctor turned back to Mycroft.

“Please Mycroft go on...”

“Well at the very beginning she was only a baby, but as times passed she started revealing herself..

Since I was Sherlock's reference point, she wanted him.  When I turned 12 I had to go to a private school, even Sherlock started making new friendship, Victor was our neighbors’ kid, they were the same age and they were classmates...”

Sherlock whispered ‘Victor’ as he closed his eyes.  A small tear slid down his cheek.  Greg was feeling a little uncomfortable as they went deeper into the brothers’ past and an overwhelming feeling that he was a stranger that was eavesdropping through the door made himself known and he shifted in his seat.  Mycroft clutched his hand tighter. Mycroft turned his face to the side, as if to look at his brother.

“Yes, the Trevor’s were our neighbours and Victor your best friend.  You always wanted I to read you bed time stories and once I read you Peter Pan, you loved the pirates more and you decided you and Victor was going to be pirates from then on.”  Sherlock smiled at that, he remembered them running around in pirate hats. 

“How did Euros take this new development, you being away and Sherlock making a friend?”  The doctor asked, his voice soft, yet clear.  Mycroft turned back to him and answered.

“She hated that, if he and Victor weren’t playing, he would follow me, asking questions and trying to be big brother.  Sherlock didn’t want to play with her, she made him cry once and since then he would stay clear of her.” 

“Was Sherlock the only child she hurt?”

“No, she once dropped a cup of boiling tea over my lap.  But Sherlock was the first that she hurt on purpose and cried.  She laughed, and thought it was funny.”

“When did things become really serious, or when did you realize your brother was in danger?”

“When she turned four, she got a porcelain doll for her birthday, it was a brother/sister set, and mummy thought it would bond them together.  She tied a rat to the boy and drowned them both, joking Sherlock is now just like a drowned rat.  She tried to get Sherlock to get into the water as well, saying he should ‘save the boy’.  He didn’t want to, as he couldn’t swim yet, and I intervened, I picked him up, saying we were going to build mind palaces.  I promised him that day, that I would always be there for him.  We build the first foundation of his Mind Palace.”  He looked down again before his voice became stronger.

“A year later, she killed Victor.”  As Mycroft spoke he saw the doll water, the rat squirming and her laughter, he remembered as she tried to get him into the water and how he was scared.  He saw Mycroft running towards him, picking him up and taking away, his brother carried him to the front of the house and sat him on small hill, overlooking the house.  He remembered how his brother’s voice was soft instead of his sister’s loud shrill, telling him, they were going to build palaces, promising him that he would always look out for him, be there.  The memories were painful, and he didn’t know how to deal with the new emotions and walked around the sofa, he needed to lash out, and as always Mycroft was there.

“Stop it!  Why keep her from me! Why make me believe I never had a sister!  You made me believe my best friend was a dog, a dog.  How could you?”  His voice was loud in the room, all three men staring at him in shock.  After everything he heard today, he still takes it out on Mycroft.

Mycroft expected it as he just bowed his head in resignation.  When he did reply you could hear and see the devastation in his face.

“I was only thirteen  and when Victor disappeared we all searched for him around the place, even on his parents grounds, but we couldn’t find him, to the police it was just another missing child case, they tried but no real effort was made.  The general assumption was he got lost in the woods, or the tide dragged him away.  Euros was singing that ridiculous song, and we couldn’t figure it out, and she didn’t want to tell us what it meant.  I tried to figure it out, but I’ll admit, my first priority was you, you were shattered, and refused to eat, to talk to anyone, and I just tried to reach you, like I always could.  You changed, you refused to get close to anyone, and you would hardly speak to anyone.”  Sherlock was still angry as he stared at his brother.

“When exactly did you all decide to lie to me?  To make me forget her?

“When Euros made the comment that ‘’little boys’ always goes missing and maybe you would too just disappear one day.  Then she started drawing pictures of your grave, of the Holmes family with her as a single child, saying I never mattered before, only became important when you arrived to but with you gone, there was no need for me.”

“What?”  Greg blurted out, his anger clear on his face.  Mycroft turned to him, a soft smile before he turned back to Sherlock.

“Mummy and Father decided to lie to you, telling you he went to visit family living far away, and since you started to spend more time in your mind palace, they got you a therapist to help you rebuild it, to rebuild your mind.  I tried to help you, but I had to go back to school, so I called uncle Rudy, for help.  I had no once else to ask.  Mummy thought Euros was an angel and could do no wrong and Father thought she was processing what had happened with the drawings.”  Sherlock looked sceptical.

“So he just stepped in and took care of everything?”

“It wasn’t easy; his position in Government was the same as mine...”

“Minor you mean?”  Sherlock added sarcastically.

“Yes, he took control, especially after she set the fire, he arranged for her to be taken away, and for us to make a new start somewhere else.”  Greg leaned forward.

“He could do that, he had that kind of power? So this minor position is hereditary?”  Sherlock rolled his eyes and Mycroft chuckled softly.  The doctor was astonished to see the difference that one line from Greg could have on Mycroft, on Sherlock too, they needed him in their lives, whether they would admit it or not.  With one line he broke the tight tension in the air. He watched as Mycroft replied.

“What would you think if I told you the house I left and that you did not feel comfortable in is his heritage too?”

“Enough!”  Sherlock shouted.

“Mr. Holmes, I understand you are hurt, angry and frustrated with this entire situation, the things you learned today, will surely have an impact on you, but please try to vent your frustrations in another way besides always taking it out on your brother?”  Greg stared at the doctor; he put Sherlock in his place and instead of retaliating Sherlock stared at him.  After a moment he ignored the doctor and turned to Mycroft.

“How could he just stepped in and take charge?  What happened?”

“Happened?”  Mycroft asked.  Sherlock rolled his eyes.

“We both know, something else must have happened for him to take her away, there was no evidence linking her to Victor, so what was it?”

“She tried to choke you when you were asleep, you woke up crying and trying to push her off, but you were too weak.  I rushed in and pushed her off you, she screamed and that woke our parents.  Her hands marks were red against your pale skin and you refused to let me go.  I held you close saying over and over ‘I’m here for you.’  Mummy couldn’t believe it, but the bruises didn’t lie, Father was shocked and uncle Rudy arranged for her to be taken away immediately.

“What happened to me?”  Sherlock asked, his voice soft, his eyes drowning in unwashed tears.

Mycroft looked at him, his face open of every emotion.

“I carried you to my room, and put you in my bed, I sat on the bed, staring at the door, the whole night, keeping watch over you.  I made a promise Sherlock, I wasn’t going to break it, and to this day, I will keep my promise, no matter how difficult you make it for me, no matter how much you push me away. I made a promise, I can’t break it. I won’t.”

 _What if I'm far from home?_  
 _Oh, brother, I will hear you call._  
 _What if I lose it all?_  
 _Oh, sister, I will help you out!_  
 _Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,_  
 _There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do._  
  
_Hey, brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover._  
 _Hey, sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?_  
 _Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,_  
 _There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do._

 

The doctor cleared his throat and Mycroft looked back at him.

“He took her away, that evening?”

“Yes.”  Mycroft replied.

“He took her to a secured facility; it was in Birmingham, not yet the island.  She set another fire there, which claimed five lives, he arranged for her then to be taken to Sherringford as he told our parents she died in the fire, and he thought it best than to tell her she killed five people.  I see now, he trained me to take his place and when he died, I took over, continuing in his footsteps.  She had killed another guard on her transport to Sherringford, I couldn’t tell our parents the truth, or Sherlock, it would’ve broken him completely, and I couldn’t lose him.”

“You always placed your brother first?”  The doctor clarified.

“Always.”  Mycroft looked always as if to gather some strength before he continued.

“He made my childhood better; he took the pain and darkness away the day he was born.  For the first time in my life I felt wanted, appreciated and not so lonely anymore.  I lived for him, all these years; I was there with every lowest point, every overdose, and every scathing remark. I love him, his my brother even if he considers me his arch enemy.  That will never change”

Sherlock tried to figure out his words, to get the meaning right without sounding bitter, yet it was still a bit painful.

“You were the one to say ‘Caring is not an advantage.’”

“And you were always to one to say ‘you look but you do not observe.’”  Mycroft retorted.   Sherlock narrowed his eyes and Greg interrupted whatever either wanted to say, he couldn’t keep quiet anymore, he just couldn’t. It was time they both put the past behind them, in fact all of them.

“I was there Sherlock, the nights the doctors tried to save your life from the drugs, your brother sitting on those uncomfortable hospitals chairs for hours, his eyes never turned away from you, his ears focused on the heart monitors.  His hand in yours as he tried to beg you to live, to fight without saying it.  Because we all knew, if he said it, you would never believe it.  I remember the struggle for him to let me in, to help him to look after you, I still don’t know to this day, whether it was because he trusted me to do this, or was just too tired to realize he allowed me in. Either way, I’m glad he did.  I tried to help him carry the weight of caring for you, looking out for you, just so he could worry a little less about one thing in his life.  I kept my mouth shut as you yelled at him, as you pushed him away, as you got a little too violent and he let you.  I watched the pain as he tried to keep his promise, while you were intent to hurt him as much as you can.  On that note, that stops today; here and now, I think it is time you man up, accept the responsibilities of the grown up world, you despised so much and actually show some gratitude.  Mycroft had carried this for too long on his own, its time you help him for a change.”

When he was done all three men were looking at him in surprise, they didn’t expect that from him.  Finally Sherlock straight offensive posture relaxes as he looked forth between Mycroft and Greg.  He picked up his coat.

“Sherlock?”  Mycroft asked, looking unsure of the situation.  Sherlock nodded to him in a reassuringly manner before turning back to the doctor.

“I....Thank you for your help with my brother....I need to go.....I need to think...”  Without waiting for a reply he walked to the door.

“Don’t wait up Lestrade.”  He stopped and turned back to Mycroft.

“Thank you, brother mine.”  With that the door closed behind him as he walked out.

 

_What if I'm far from home?_   
_Oh, brother, I will hear you call._   
_What if I lose it all?_   
_Oh, sister, I will help you out!_   
_Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,_   
_There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do._

 

The silence hung heavy and Greg felt like he could kick himself, he probably ruined the entire purpose of the day.  He turned to Mycroft.

“I’m sorry for that, I just...”

“No need to apologize Greg.”  The doctor interrupted.  He handed them each a bottle of water.

“What you said was true, and although a bit blunt, it was what Sherlock needed to hear.  Instead Mycroft, I want to know how you feel, now that the truth is finally out?”

Mycroft drank the whole glass in one go, before he answered. 

“Strange, I feel as though a huge weight has lifted, it is a bit strange, I’m not really use to it.”  Greg smiled at that, and Mycroft took his hand. They were okay and Mycroft wasn’t mad at him.  The doctor closed his book.

“I’m very glad to hear it. If you both are amendable I would like to see you next week, I can clearly see that things between you has improved as well, so this week I want you both to let this thing with Sherlock go, it will work itself out, instead focus on the two of you.  Rebuild this foundation between the two of you, and you will both see that everything else will work itself out.”

They nodded and made their way out, their hands still together. Mycroft was a bit uneasy and unfocused so Greg took the lead.  Mycroft followed willingly.

 

They stood outside for a while, waiting for the car and both smoking a cigarette.  When the cigarette was finished, they got into the car, their hands still together.  Mycroft pulled his hands close and kissed Greg’s knuckles.

“Thank you for all you said this afternoon. I needed your words like the air I breathe.”

Greg pulled Mycroft close and kissed him, when they parted he shifted them so that he was holding Mycroft in his arms.  He leaned over and whispered.

“I love you.” 

Mycroft held on to Greg as they drove away.

 

 

_(Hey Brother – Avicii – True 2013)_


	13. Amazed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Greg is nervous about the second date, Mycroft won so he chose, he was used to posh restaurants and fine exclusive dining, but Mycroft turned te tables. It was not just a second date, it was a fresh beginning.."

**Amazed**

**Chapter 13**

 

 

It was a Saturday, but most importantly it was the second date. Mycroft won the little bet the other night and it was his choice. Greg was feeling a little nervous; he had no idea what Mycroft had planned.  Usually Mycroft’s dates was the upper class restaurants and plays, shows and concerts, while Greg was the home cooked meals, the picnic outside, the little walk around markets and so on. 

He received a text that morning that said he should be casually dressed and ready at twelve. That does not sound like high class date, but nevertheless, he was ready at noon. His navy jeans, a button up shirt, long sleeved with the sleeves rolled up and his leather jacket. Once outside he was even more shocked to find that instead of the usual sleek black car was a light metallic blue convertible, a very old model and Mycroft was driving.

“My?” He asked in surprise. Mycroft smiled and got out of the car, he too went for dark jeans, a button up and a jumper in a dark green. It looked brilliant.

“I thought since it was our second date and none of my drivers participated in the bet, they weren’t invited.” Greg couldn’t keep the laugh out of his voice as he walked over to greet him. He gave Mycroft a quick kiss and a tight hug before he let go.

“So what’s the plan?”

“You just have to wait and see.” Mycroft replied as he looked into Greg’s eyes. He could always get lost in them, especially when Greg was happy it was as if the light inside him comes out and greets the sun to turn the dark brown into streaks of light. It was mesmerizing.

Smiling they got into the car and Mycroft took them on their second date.

 

_Every time our eyes meet_

_This feeling inside me_

_Is almost more than I can take_

_Baby, when you touch me_

_I can feel how much you love me_

_And it just blows me away_

 

_I've never been this close to anyone or anything_

_I can hear your thoughts_

_I can see your dreams_

 

This was not what Greg expected, not in a million years. Mycroft drove him all the way to one of the small towns outside of London. It was an open field. There were stalls everywhere and one side of the park was sectioned off for parking. He looked at Mycroft with wonder and a hint of confusion; did Mycroft really bring them to flea market for a second date? Not an upper High Kensington Hotel or exclusive Adele tickets because he liked her album, or booking an entire restaurant because Mycroft didn’t want any witness when he blushed and tell Greg how much he loves him. No this was something Greg would do. They parked under a tree and Greg could hear some music in the back ground. There was a live band. He was starting to feel giddy, happy and very excited for the day. He waited till Mycroft stood next to him.

“Did you bring me to a flea market with a live band?” He couldn’t keep the happiness out of his voice. Mycroft smiled back and nodded.

“Yes. It is the Highgate book & craft market for Cancer research. They have it twice a year, they hire a band, and everyone can participate, as long as they donate all their profit to Cancer research.” Greg’s smile just reached new heights and new widths. It was spectacular. He kept staring at Mycroft as if he was just looking at the most adorable puppy under the sun. Mycroft started to shift under the gaze, it was a bit weird, and no one has ever stared at him like that for long periods of time.

“Gregory?”

“Hmm.” Greg didn’t falter in his stare; instead he just tilted his head a little bit. Mycroft stared back, the way the sun caught that grey streak made it look like molten silver.

“You’re staring at me.” He finally managed.

“Yeah...”

“Why?”

“Cause you amaze me everyday.” Greg replied and interlocks their hands.

“What did I do that was so amazing today?” Mycroft asked with genuine interest. Greg stopped and held out his free hand to the market.

“This. It is brilliant and amazing and I just know we are going to buy stuff we don’t need, books we have already read or will never read, because we want to help and I can’t imagine doing anything better today than being here with you.” Mycroft looked down and cleared his throat before looking back at him.

“You really think this is great?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Greg asked and closed the space between them.

“Because I usually take you to a posh and upper class places as you once said, but I wanted to do something different, something that would not restrict us to a setting or a rule, a day where we can move together, to be together without pretense or masks and this came up.” Greg leaned over and gave him a brief kiss.

“It’s perfect, now come on I need to buy a new set of lace doilies for my kitchen table.” Greg said with mirth and Mycroft choked as he tried to keep his laughing under control before he straightened his face.

“You right, and I saw this amazing kitsch ornament, I just got to have on my mantelpiece.” With loud laughter and a light step they made their way to the stalls.

The first stall was about porcelain dolls and with a creepy look towards another the shook their heads.

“You don’t want a nice doll?” Greg joked.

“I’m trying to quit.” Mycroft deadpanned. Greg snorted as he laughed.

“It’s for a good cause, maybe we should buy for Molly or Sally?” Greg tried again.

“Only if they have black curly hair.” Mycroft said with a twinkle.

“Yeah, maybe not, I know for a fact Sally will use her as voodoo. Molly…” Greg trailed off.

“I might agree.” Mycroft conceded. Greg nodded still smiling and they walked towards the next stall. They didn’t buy a doll.

They did spend the whole afternoon enjoying the outside and as Greg said, bought stuff they don’t need. Mostly it was books.

“Oh, look at this, the first edition!” Greg exclaimed as he picked up a book. Mycroft rolled his eyes.

“’ _The A-Z of Harley Davidson and the history of the motorcycle in the market._ ’ How riveting, my adrenalin is pumping just with the title.” Mycroft said and Greg pulled his face at Mycroft. 

“Hey this was my bible back in high school, I used to spend hours in the library reading this, and my parents thought I was doing homework.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“I know, it’s a mystery – I’m buying this.” Mycroft smiled as he add it to the already growing heap of books, the lady attending the stall even gave him a shopping basket to put it all in. Greg was very happy with the idea and gave one to Mycroft as well, who had no comeback but to take a basket and to put his book in. His one book...oh wait... classics. Mycroft picked up a very old big and heavy book. His face became nostalgic.

“What book is that?” Greg asked loving the look on his face. Mycroft showed it to him.

“’ _A world wide collection of pirate stories and adventures._ ’ Oh wow. Over 200 tales and stories, all about pirates. Something you want to tell me Jack Sparrow?” 

“Who?”

“Never mind. So why this book?”

“Its for Sherlock, he always wanted to be a pirate, even with Victor, I used to read him pirate stories then they could play it out, he wanted the ‘real’ stories, the events that actually happened, like Blackbeard and so on. He came home one day declaring that there has never been sufficient evidence suggesting that pirates actually had parrots.”

“Really?” Greg asked truly interested.

“Oh yes, he was even more interested when I told him the reason they wear the eyepatches was that so they could see in the dark.”

“Huh?”

“Because they were on the boats and had to go below deck constantly the eyepatch balanced them so that when they went below the switch the patches and the eye that was covered was adjusted to the dark and therefore it helped them to see in the dark.” Mycroft explained.

“Wow. That’s really cool.”

“Indeed.” Greg eyed the book before he turned serious.

“Love?” Mycroft frowned.

“Yes?”

“With all that has happened with Victor and so on, do you think Sherlock would still be interested in pirate stories?”

Mycroft clutched the book he looked a bit unsure before he answered.

“I was hoping to show him that even after all that has happened he could still look back on those days and remember the good, the playing, even if it was short lived, that...that not everything was bad and hurtful. Do you think it is silly?” Mycroft looked so unsure that Greg heart ached for him.

“No, I think it is amazing. I’m sure he would appreciate it, when he knows why you are doing this, he will appreciate it.” Greg smiled in a reassuring manner and it made Mycroft feel better. He gave a small smile and nod before he placed the book in his basket. They continued to walk around the stalls and Greg even convinced Mycroft to have an ice-cream with him. The more they walked and would enjoy themselves and open up the more they both were convinced that what they had was timeless, it was worth fighting for, it was worth the chance. Every decision they have ever made in their life was to get to this moment, this point in time that would ripped them from every mask they ever had to reveal the real them, the real Mycroft, the real Greg and by stripping them of that, they had the opportunity to start over, to rebuild their foundation stronger than before.

Not everybody has that chance to start over. It was their moment and they both were amazed at the idea they can actually begin again.

 

_I don't know how you do what you do_

_I'm so in love with you_

_It just keeps getting better_

_I wanna spend the rest of my life_

_With you by my side_

_Forever and ever_

_Every little thing that you do_

_Baby, I'm amazed by you_

 

It was late the afternoon, the day nearly over and the two of them had actually had to buy a trolley for all the stuff they bought. It was nearing six when they were walking back to the car both smiling and very happy.

“You know My, I’m really glad you won that bet, today has been absolutely amazing. Thank you.” Greg showed it, he was smiling, he was relaxed and it has been one of the best dates he has ever been on. Mycroft opened the car so they could put their stuff in, smiling but not saying anything. Greg leaned closer and that’s when he saw the blanket.

“Umm Love?” He asked, not used to see picnic blankets in the trunk of his partner’s car. Mycroft took the blanket out and put the trolley in. He turned to Greg.

“I am very glad you enjoyed this day, but I never said the date is over.” Greg face lit up with the idea they were spending more time together. He looked back to the market and the concert later the evening.

“The concert?” Mycroft nodded.

“Yes, I thought we could have some dinner, not those hotdogs, they don’t look nice, the shawarma stall did look inviting and I thought we could find a nice spot and enjoy the show as well.” Greg didn’t care about taking it slow or who saw, he pulled Mycroft close giving him a passionate kiss. Mycroft’s face was flushed when they parted.

“I love you so much, and this all of this is so wonderful and amazing, thank you.” Greg replied his eyes staring in his partner. Mycroft was overcome with emotions as he cupped Greg’s cheeks.

“It is I that am amazed and mesmerized by you, I never for one moment thought that someone like me, could be with someone like you, and even though I have treated you appallingly in the past, you somehow found it in you, to forgive me, to stuck it with me and even now, with all the revelations and sessions, you still care, you still accept me and honestly Gregory I don’t think I will ever be able to express my gratitude to you in a full matter. I should thank you.”

Greg tried to swallow the lump in his throat and managed a nod.

“Both of us got a second change and we both are committed to make this work, and it will. Come on; let’s go find a good spot.” Greg took Mycroft’s hand and they made their way back to the park. There were still open spaces but it was filling up quickly. Greg turned to Mycroft.

“Why don’t you find us a nice spot, preferably in the back and I’ll go get us some food and snacks?”

“You sure?” Mycroft asked but still took the blanket. Greg nodded.

“Absolutely. I’ll come and find you.”

“You always do.” Mycroft said with a smile and walked off to find them a nice spot. Greg watched him go and then went to the food stalls. Mycroft mentioned shawarmas so he’ll get them, some chocolates and some drinks too.

 

Greg found Mycroft somehow managed to find them a perfect spot; it was in the back, to the side and next to a tree. It was perfect. The best thing was that Mycroft was sitting on the blanket, his legs crossed with a content smile on his face. If his hands were free he’d take a photo. Looking around he quickly put the drinks down and took out his phone. Pointing the camera at Mycroft he snapped a picture, perfect. Pocketing the phone he picked up the drinks and made his way over.

“Nice spot.” Mycroft looked up at Greg.

“Thank you.” Greg handed him most of the stuff before he sat down and enjoyed the food. It was a bit messy but it was delicious. After dinner and the cold drink, Greg collected their waste and threw it away in the nearest bin. Mycroft put the chocolates in his pocket for them to enjoy later. Sitting back down, Greg rested his back against the tree. He took Mycroft’s hand and pulled him closer.

“Come on.”

“Excuse me?” Mycroft asked, his eyes narrowing. Greg held out his hands.

“Lean against me, I’m against the tree and you can lean against me and I’ll hold you.”

Mycroft did as he asked and they quickly moved and shifted until they were comfortable, Mycroft with his back against Greg’s chest, his arms around him and the sun setting in the distance. Greg leaned closer, his breath against Mycroft’s neck.

“Comfortable?”

“Perfect. Thank you.”

Greg just gave a slight squeeze and together they watch the concert. It may not have been a world famous band or award winning performers, but they were still good and they sang the usual crowd pleasers.

They started off with upbeat songs, full of beat and rhythm but as the night went on, it became softer and more ballads and love songs. As soon as the next song started to play Greg knew the song and pulled Mycroft closer, if he felt something he didn’t say anything. He just interlocked their fingers. Greg was softly singing along with the song until the chorus where he leaned in and sang so only Mycroft could hear. “ * _you’re still the one I run to, the one I belong to, you’re still the one I want for life, you’re still the one that I love, the only one I dream of you’re still the one I kiss goodnight*”_ Mycroft’s grip tightened as Greg sang, he forgot about the people around him, the band on stage and he just focused on Greg. Greg around him, holding him, accepts him and his voice in his ear, telling him, that Mycroft is the only one for him.

It was too much for him and he couldn’t stop the emotions. He turned around so that he was looking at Greg and in the soft light around him, he saw the same emotions. 

“I love you.” Mycroft whispered. Greg’s eyes were swimming and before he could say anything Greg stood up, pulling him along, Greg scrambled the blanket together and carried it under his arm, his other hand still in Mycroft’s he led them back to the car. Mycroft was confused, did he do something wrong? Once at the car Greg pushed Mycroft against the car and kissed him, it wasn’t a normal kiss, no this one belonged to private company. Greg was pressed against Mycroft from hip to chest, his arms holding him tight. Mycroft held on just as tight, kissing Greg back just as hard. After several minutes had passed they finally let go, both breathless and lips swollen.

“I love you Mycroft, I never knew it was possible to love someone as much as this, it is in every fiber of my body, every cell, it screams of you, it just for you, all for you. I know we have a lot to work through, but we will, because I don’t care how long it takes, I want to spend every second that I have left in this world loving you, being amazed by you. Whatever happens, you are it for me, and we will always find our way back to one another.” Mycroft nodded, his hands holding Greg to him as tight as he could.

“I love you too, I feel the same, and I need you to know, that every part of me, everything I hid away under ice and distance was set alight by you.” Greg stared into Mycroft eyes then lowered his eyes to his chest, their hands and he had an overwhelming desire to drag him to the nearest bed. Not just for sex, but the chance to show him how much he means to him. He stepped away and looked back towards the show, it was nearing the end, but he didn’t want to go back nor stay here, he wanted to be with Mycroft. Just them. Mycroft saw the emotions and cupped Greg’s cheek. He saw the question, the desire and said one word.

“Yes.”

 

_The smell of your skin_

_The taste of your kiss_

_The way you whisper in the dark_

_Your hair all around me_

_Baby, you surround me_

_You touch every place in my heart_

 

Somehow they made it to Mycroft’s place without incident. Greg knew the place by heart and even though they both wanted to go to bed, they took their time. They knew it wasn’t about lust, it was about rebuilding, reconnecting. The last time it was for the wrong reasons, both fuelled by different reasons, and Greg slipped away in the middle of the night. The other night, they just held one another, talking and holding and sleeping. This time it almost like the first time, yet in a way it was. The first time without masks and layers, without secrets and fights. It was almost similar to a few years ago when they just started their relationship. The only thing missing was that first time awkwardness, the discovering of how the fit together. They knew how they fit together; they knew how their bodies respond to each other. They made their way upstairs before Greg pulled Mycroft close, pouring his heart into the kiss. Mycroft responded the same way, they didn’t break the kiss as they kicked of their shoes; they didn’t part when Mycroft slipped the jacket of Greg’s shoulders and started to unbutton the shirt. They did however part when Greg pulled the jumper over Mycroft’s head and gave a smile as the wool made his hair static. His fingers wrapping the curl falling over Mycroft’s forehead. He ran his fingers through Mycroft’s auburn hair pulling him closer for another kiss.

With the clothes gone their bodies melted together just like before, as if they were formed for one another and they were. Just like the story of Plato, they were cut from each other, filling the other half up to become the whole they were always meant to be. They didn’t break eye contact as they moved together, their emotions flowing together with every heart beat. They made more than love; they fixed the cracks, the pieces that were held together with duct tape with love, their hearts, their being. They would whisper each other’s name as if it was a secret treasure to share between them. It was perfect and they both knew, from now on, it will always be them, together against the world. And when they fell asleep in each other’s arms, they both were saved from nightmares.

 

_Oh, it feels like the first time every time_

_I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes_

 

_I don't know how you do what you do_

_I'm so in love with you_

_It just keeps getting better_

_I wanna spend the rest of my life_

_With you by my side_

_Forever and ever_

_Every little thing that you do_

_Baby, I'm amazed by you_

 

When they were woken up by the sun dappling through the curtains they pulled each other close as if they could fall asleep again.

“Just five more minutes.” Greg whispered and Mycroft agreed.

“Even ten.” Chuckling softly Greg moved onto his back dragging Mycroft along his head on his chest, his ear to his heart and his arm wrapped around his stomach. He had no plans on letting Greg go soon.

“Yesterday and last night was one of the most amazing dates I have ever been, we should do it again.” Greg said, his fingers drawing circles on Mycroft’s back.

“I think we will singlehandedly support England’s cancer research and fill the house with books.”

“It’s the books or porcelain dolls.” Greg joked back. Mycroft burst out laughing.

“Books it is.” He was quiet for a moment before he brought up the subject he had on his mind.

“This house might be too small for everything, what if we get a bigger one?” Greg stopped drawing circles and shifted so he was looking at Mycroft.

“A bigger house? We?” Mycroft nodded.

“Yes, what if we not only make a fresh start with us, but with our living arrangements too?” Mycroft was nervous, even though Greg did live with him before, it was never official. He technically still had the flat, but what he was asking was them together in one house.

“Officially, as in two names on the documents, two names on the post that kind of thing?”

“Yes, although I was hoping for two different initials but one last name. Hyphened maybe?” Mycroft said with hesitance, staring at Greg, hoping for the best. Slowly but surely Greg mouth turned into a smile.

“I am technically your fiancé.”

“That’s true.”

“And with our surnames alphabetical order will be nice....”

“Yes, it would.” Mycroft supplied, smiling as well.

“Can we have a big en suite bathroom?” Greg’s eyes were sparkling with the prospect.

“That can be arranged.”

“With a big massive bath, for two?”

“Of course you do have a say in it you know.” Mycroft clarified.

“We will need a big library for all our books.” Greg pulled Mycroft closer for a kiss. Mycroft pulled back the last minute.

“Anything you want my dearest.”

It was a good morning and a good day, they still needed to go to some therapy sessions, sort out things with Mycroft’s parents, with Sherlock and John but the main thing is that they are together, they are okay, anything else just will fall into place.

 

_Every little thing that you do_

_I'm so in love with you_

_It just keeps getting better_

_I wanna spend the rest of my life_

_With you by my side_

_Forever and ever_

_Every little thing that you do_

_Oh, yeah every little thing that you do_

_Baby, I'm amazed by you._

 

_(Amazed – Lonestar -Lonely Grill – 1999)_

_(*You're still the one –Shania Twain- Come On Over-1998)_

 


	14. Losing My Religion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The cup of tea was so hot in his hands but Mycroft didn't care about it, his hands were cold and shaking, it hasn't been a good day from the start..."

**Losing My Religion**

**Chapter 14**

 

 

_Oh life, it's bigger_

_It's bigger than you_

_And you are not me_

_The lengths that I will go to_

_The distance in your eyes_

_Oh no, I've said too much_

_I set it up_

 

The cup of tea was so hot in his hands but Mycroft didn't care about it, his hands were cold and shaking, it hasn't been a good day from the start. He had to deal with his parents, revealing them what really happened at Musgrave Manor, what was the truth about Eurus and the recovering of Victor's remains. The whole was taken out of some horror film and given to him. He was tired; the last few weeks have taken its toll on him. He was asked to open every little thing about his past and come clean about it; he himself has never done it before just burying it to deal with later. No, not only was it out in the open, he even had an audience to take part of it. He felt exposed and vulnerable, yet at the same time he felt free, as if he was an Asthma patient all his life and the oxygen support have been taken away, and instead of suffocating he could breathe freely.

That pretty much was the highlight of his life now, that and Gregory, the rest....Well that would just need some more work and time, it will be sorted. The most obvious about this whole thing or surprise was that his parent still didn't grasp the idea on how dangerous their daughter really is. They didn't understand the enormous seriousness of what had happened, the level of instability she was in. She tried to kill Sherlock, Mycroft and even John...she killed five people in front of them, not to mention the rest of lives ruined by her and her manipulation. No, they focused their attention on their need to see their daughter without comprehending that she was, in fact, a monster. Then again, He was the one who failed the one to blame, and Sherlock? Oh he was the grown-up son for them. Even after Sherlock admitted that Mycroft did the best he could, to Mycroft it was a personal conquest. That after years and years of trying, his brother finally got it in his mind that Mycroft, actually just tried to help after all. To protect him as best as he could.

Actually when he thinks about it Sherlock is looking at him differently, as if he has a better understanding for his brother now. He looked down to his cup, the liquid slowly circling around as he moved, the time has come for him to rebuild all the relationships around him, with Gregory - the most important, his brother, colleagues, his parents...so many chances. Just like the tea in his cup going round and round changing so did he, and it was good. A small contented smile sat around his mouth as he drank the tea, he was finally halfway there to be really happy. He can do this; it will all work out in the end.

 

_That's me in the corner_

_That's me in the spotlight_

_Losing my religion_

_Trying to keep up with you_

_And I don't know if I can do it_

_Oh no, I've said too much_

_I haven't said enough_

 

_I thought that I heard you laughing_

_I thought that I heard you sing_

_I think I thought I saw you try_

 

The room was the same; Mycroft was sitting in his usual corner of the sofa, alone. Sherlock and John were outside, his brother insisted on having a smoke outside before they start, they may have arrived early, but he wouldn't dare to start the session earlier. Greg was running late. Mycroft stared ahead; Dr. Jeffries used the free moment he had to catch up with Mycroft. So far neither had said anything but the doctor could see there was something bothering him, something happened this week. Mycroft gave a long sigh before he broke the silence.

"I have made so many choices and decisions in my life and all of them - or most of them - very questionable. This time however is the first time I have to face the consequences and deal with the fallout of them."

Dr. Jeffries folded his arms as he leaned back in his chair, a slight frown between his eyes.

"That may be, but it seems to me you are doing pretty well. It has taken some time but your relationship with Greg is on a very solid foundation now, especially after the low hits you both had to deal with. It is going strong and even I can see the change in you, since you reconciled. Plus if I may be so bold, your relationship with your brother has improved, it is still fragile but it is becoming stronger where previously the foundation was of misunderstandings and sibling rivalry it is now on a mutual respect for one another, that is very good."

Mycroft smiled at that, his eyes glancing to the window where his brother was standing, they have come a long way, and definitely made some progress.

"Yes, we have. Gregory and I are stronger now, we are even talking about finding a new place together and yes, Sherlock has surprised me lately with his understanding, and I think we have John to thank for that."

"No we don't." The doctor said and Mycroft looked confused, he smiled and continued.

"He did the growing up himself; no man goes through what he went through - and you - and is changed afterwards. We all have to go through some stuff in our life to grow, he did his, John may have helped but Sherlock got there on his own. Plus you should give yourself some credit too, you have made a lot of progress lately and Sherlock saw that, you are his older brother and you lead by example, he saw the change in you, and that lead to him changing as well. You do realize that right?"

Mycroft took a moment to contemplate what he said and realized he was right, Sherlock had always looked up to him, whether he wanted to or not, the problem was though was it enough, did he do enough to warrant a man like Sherlock to look up to him? Maybe the fact that he did try was enough. He looked at the doctor.

"I am aware of that, you see, yesterday I had to reveal the truth to our parents, about Euros the island, everything."

"Even the fact that she killed before, wanted to kill you?"

"Yes, they didn't care about that, they just wanted to see their daughter again, it didn't matter that she tried to kill me it all came down to me, it was my fault she was there, it was my fault that I allowed this to happened, I didn't do enough, my mother said I was 'limited' and that Sherlock has always been the grownup one, the adult one and they wanted answers from him, they looked towards him to sort it all out, and he can't, he is my responsibility, my little brother. She called me the child, yet I was the one to sit by his bed as he was coming down from a high, who tried to keep him alive after an overdose, the strings I pulled to get him clean to get him the help and she said I didn't do enough..." Mycroft stopped his ranting and sat back in the sofa, his breath gone. Dr. Jeffries stood up and walked around the desk, he leaned with his body against the table so he could look at Mycroft.

"You are a very powerful man and grown up who has had to deal with a lot on daily basis for many years now. I could tell you many things about how she blames herself for not seeing it, for forcing all of this on you, but I want you to close your eyes to her words, focus on who you are, what you mean not only for England but for Greg, for that man standing outside, nervous for his brother alone in here, and going through this. Your parents unfortunately still see you all as their children that need protecting. You have nothing to prove to anyone, most certainly not to them, do you understand that?" Mycroft stared at the doctor his words washing over him, calming him. He was right the people that truly mattered don’t think he is limited. Sherlock sees him as the total personification of the British Government, Gregory thinks he is the most amazing and loving man ever, and that is what he will focus one.

The problem is that it is easier said than done.

 

_Every whisper_

_Of every waking hour_

_I'm choosing my confessions_

_Trying to keep an eye on you_

_Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool_

_Oh no, I've said too much_

_I set it up_

 

The doctor watched the emotions across Mycroft's face, the way he processed the words standing up he walked towards the door, and Sherlock was long finished with his cigarette and had slowly started to make his way to the door. He turned back to Mycroft.

"It is time to call the others in." He opened the door and left to call them, giving Mycroft the opportunity and moment to compose himself again. John was sitting on the small bench and Sherlock was trying his best to look indifferent to the doctor.

"Please come in guys, I do apologize for the slight delay...” He looked around and didn't see Greg there.

"I take it the Detective Inspector is running late?" As if on cue, they heard a siren and the police car speeding towards them before it stopped. To their surprise Sally was driving and Greg got out of the car running towards them.

"I'm sorry, it is my first day back and the paperwork...traffic..." The doctor tilted his head, a small smile on his lips.

"So you took advantage of the siren?" Greg blushed before looking down and then put on his most poker face.

"Sergeant Donovan needed the practice maneuvering through the traffic." Sherlock and John snorted and the doctor tried to keep a straight face. In the end he just shook his head and waved them inside. Greg immediately made his way over to Mycroft sitting down next to him and giving him a kiss.

"Hi Love."

"You made some entrance."

"It was Sally." Greg joked back and Mycroft smiled at that, the doctor didn't say anything at their display but Sherlock groaned but nonetheless took as seat in the furthest corner he could. John sat down on the seat close to him, still away from the two men on the sofa.

He looked at the four men, things have changed so much in the past few weeks especially since he saw John last, and he knows exactly what happened at the island and what Mycroft was prepared to do for his brother and John. He looked at John first.

"Dr. Watson you weren't here with the last sessions and several before that, but I understand Sherlock filled you in?" John nodded.

"He told me everything." He replied not looking at any of them. The doctor nodded.

"Do you have any questions so far?" He shook his head. The doctor turned to the rest of them.

"Does anyone else have a question?" They all shook their heads.

"All right, now I'm very glad we could all make this, before we continue, does everyone know what brought Mycroft here?"

"The events on Sherringford." John answered.

"Good, anyone else?" Sherlock looked at his brother before he answered.

"Mycroft's decision and behavior during these years." The doctor nodded, he turned to the two men on the sofa.

"Anything else?" Mycroft and Greg shared a look and Greg opened his mouth to say anything before he closed his mouth and shook his head. The doctor frowned at that.

"Greg, you look like you want to say something."

Greg looked up and took a breath before he stood up to stand against the wall.

"Mycroft's nightmares. That was the final catalyst that brought us here because those two bastards thinks everything is a damn game!" Greg yelled the last part. Sherlock's mouth fell open in shock and John looked confused. Mycroft bowed his head, he knew what was on Greg's mind and he couldn't understand why he didn't see it sooner. The doctor looked surprised.

"What did they do?"

Greg turned around trying to keep his anger in check as he pointed at them.

"They took advantage of him, they knew I was on duty and therefore not home, they wouldn't have dared it with me there...” He turned to Sherlock the anger burning in his eyes.

"You used my absence to scare Mycroft, to prey on his weaknesses, the clown, the fake girl, the blood on the portraits, the suspense, Mycroft has never stoop so low as to use your weaknesses against you, yet you deemed it fitting to do to him. You couldn't have just asked him to tell you the truth; no you had to scare him. Tell me, which bastard's idea was it?" There was silence in the room. John looked at Greg.

"Mine."

Greg's mouth fell open in shock.

"Yours?" He turned to Sherlock. "And you let him. Why?" He asked staring at John. John shifted in his seat.

"I was angry at him, wanted to give him back of his own medicine, all the kidnapped times and using his power to meddle in our lives."

"So it was tit for tat?"

"I held him responsible for Sherlock, the fall, the bad things that had happened in my life."

Mycroft didn't dare to look at him, he couldn't deal with that as well, Sherlock was staring at John and Greg stepped closer.

"Do you still feel that way now?"

John gave a brief nod. "Not so much now, not after the island, why must he get sympathy, he sold Sherlock out to Moriarty, back at the fall, the newspapers. He helped Sherlock faking his death and it was his fault, and I was alone, with my pain and grief over losing Sherlock, then you broke up and I felt better, why must he be happy when I am broken? Then something happened and you two got back together again, and I was lonely all over again, Sherlock was still dead because Mycroft sold him out. Then it all came out as plan and you all knew about it... by the way... I still haven't forgiven you for lying to me as well."

"They didn't tell me, I figured it out, and it was done for your protection, ours as well, but we all know it was yours mostly." Greg replied. The other three men were looking at them with concern.

"Oh, protecting me... and then I met Mary..." John looked at Mycroft.

"Did you recognizer her, did you know who she was?"

Mycroft finally looked up at John. His face blank.

"No. I didn't deemed it necessary to do a background check on her, as my attention was on helping Sherlock get back alive. I should have and I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" John shouted.

"She was a killer, was this the way to protect me. I forgave Sherlock a long time ago, but I won’t forgive you." John said his eyes locked on Mycroft. Greg stepped in his line of vision.

"Would you have listened if he told you the truth about Mary? So was this your big payback? This plan... you know what really gets me...when the three of you was on that island and Euros did all the games and manipulation Mycroft was ready to die for you. He chose your life above his own. He tried to manipulate his own brother, his only real weakness, the reason his life to shoot him. To kill him in cold blood so you could live, so his brother wouldn't have to live without you. He made Sherlock his life, but he knew Sherlock would rather live without him than without you, and you don't even have the decency to say thank you, to respect that. What if Sherlock did kill him, would him being dead, made you feel better, would seeing my pain and grief of losing the man I love make you feel better?" The room was deadly quiet as they stared at one another; Greg's anger has left and made way for pain. His eyes filled with tears.

"You may not forgive him for doing exactly what his brother asked of him, so I won’t forgive you for your actions, Mycroft's actions were based on his love for his brother, and yours were based on hatred." He looked away and before anyone could say anything he left, the door slammed behind him.

Mycroft stood up and rushed to the door, he turned back his eyes on the doctor, the two men forgotten.

"Can we have a moment, a short break; I need to go to Gregory." He didn't wait for an answer as he left, following Greg into the garden.

The room was quiet behind him, Sherlock was looking at John and John was looking down, his fists clenched by his side. The doctor studied them briefly.

"The detective has a knack for going straight to the crux of the matter doesn't he? However he is the only one direct one between the four of you, the true elder brother. Mycroft buries everything or try to deal it with logic and rationality, Sherlock hides or deletes what he can’t deal with and you John tries to find someone else responsible instead of facing the facts."

"Which is?" John asked his voice tight.

"That you can’t blame Mycroft for your bad decisions. Especially with women."

 

_Consider this_

_Consider this, the hint of the century_

_Consider this, the slip_

_That brought me to my knees, failed_

_What if all these fantasies come_

_Flailing around_

_Now I've said too much_

 

_I thought that I heard you laughing_

_I thought that I heard you sing_

_I think I thought I saw you try_

 

_But that was just a dream_

_That was just a dream_

 

_That's me in the corner_

_That's me in the spotlight_

_Losing my religion_

_Trying to keep up with you_

_And I don't know if I can do it_

_Oh no, I've said too much_

_I haven't said enough_

 

_I thought that I heard you laughing_

_I thought that I heard you sing_

_I think I thought I saw you try_

 

Mycroft sat down next to Greg on the bench, the cigarette halfway burned up. Greg took another deep drag and blows the smoke in one long exhale.

"I'm sorry." He offered. Mycroft took put his hand on his thigh.

"You have nothing to apologize for, you have always been direct, and it is one of the best things I admire about you. Actually it is me who should apologize to you."

Greg turned to him.

"Why?"

"When I told you the whole story, I didn't think how much you would be affected by it; I should've realized you wouldn't agree with my sacrifice. I thought it was the right thing to do, I believed that you could live without me because you are strong. I do know my brother won’t be able to live without John and despite everything that has happened you should be angry with me."

They were quiet for a while when Greg took a breath and took Mycroft's hands in his.

“I processed the whole issue, My, I could not tell you what you should have done but I can assure you that living my life without you wouldn't be so easy. Let's go inside, there is something more I have to tell to john” Mycroft nodded. ”I can imagine what it is, we can't protect Sherlock anymore”

They stood up and left the garden. They return in the office, the doctor and the two men were talking about John's life after Mary's death, of how he was trying to be back to normal life in 221 Baker Street, with Rosie. As they step inside Gregory cleared his throat and started talking.

"I'm sorry John, I went too far, but the idea that I could have lost Mycroft has driven me mad, besides we, Mycroft and I, became aware you are missing part of the story, it was clear in your words...” they looked at Sherlock “...did you ever truly talk about the fake death?“

Sherlock's eyes widen his body frozen stiff as he realized what they meant. Mycroft stepped closer to Sherlock, his face open.

“I'm sorry brother mine; I won't cover it anymore not if we truly want to move on from this.” He took a breath” Dr. Watson, John, you hated me because I helped Sherlock in his fake death, it's true, As it's true that you, Gregory and Mrs., Hudson were target, I tried to protect you as I could, but it wasn't my choice not to tell you the truth."

"What?" John asked with a trembling voice, all his convictions were falling down, Sherlock loud voice sounded for the first time from the beginning of the session.

“It was mine John. I ordered to Mycroft to keep the secret, to keep you outside the whole plot” John turned to Sherlock.

“But... but why? We were mates Sherlock, why?” Sherlock looked down before he looked at Mycroft for guidance Mycroft gave him a small nod and Sherlock turned back to John.

“Because I loved you and you always told me you were straight, you had a lot of girlfriends around, and I thought you would be better off with me being dead.”

John stared at Sherlock, no words came out of his dry mouth, his world fell in one second, as he became aware it was only his fault, as keeping his feelings for Sherlock buried inside had brought all of them to that point, brought him to meet Mary and everything happened from that point over there.

 

_I thought that I heard you laughing_

_I thought that I heard you sing_

_I think I thought I saw you try_

 

_But that was just a dream_

_That was just a dream_

 

_That's me in the corner_

_That's me in the spotlight_

_Losing my religion_

_Trying to keep up with you_

_And I don't know if I can do it_

_Oh no, I've said too much_

_I haven't said enough_

 

_I thought that I heard you laughing_

_I thought that I heard you sing_

_I think I thought I saw you try_

 

_(Losing My Religion – R.E.M – Out Of time - 1991_

 


	15. Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The storm has passed and all the secrets are revealed. John knows the truth about everything, Sherlock, the fall, the plan and most importantly the feelings of his best friend..... Mycroft and Greg can't civer for him anymore, be nor will Greg allow Mycroft to be the scapegoat for Sherlock. With every revelation comes the responsibility of growth and acceptance. Greg and Mycroft accepts that they need to focus on them, to make plans for their future. The focus is on their hearts, their love and their future without any weights holding them back..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> music mode -on.

**Heart**

**Chapter 15**

 

 

_Every time I see you_

_something happens to me_

_like a chain reaction between you and me_

_My heart starts missing a beat_

_My heart starts missing a beat_

_every time_

_Oh oh oh, every time_

 

The setting was similar to a photograph that describes both the turmoil and drama taking place in the room. Mycroft and Greg were standing close to one another, their gazes comforting one another before they turned to the other men in the room.

Sherlock was standing near the window, his body buzzing with the idea of running away. He just confessed his true feelings for John with an audience and it was too much for him.

John was frozen stiff; a statue of a soldier in the middle of the room, the pain was etched on his face, the disbelief of what he just heard.

Dr. Jeffries attention was divided between Sherlock and John his eyes glittering with the revelation, he looked like the Cheshire Cat in the Alice in Wonderland books. He knows Mycroft and Greg was okay, his attention was on the other two men, they now more than ever need guidance, his focus.

The minutes ticked by until Greg moved first, he took Mycroft’s hand; Mycroft turned to him with a slight nod before he turned to the doctor and cleared his throat.

“I think Gregory and I should leave, as this conversation is between Dr. Watson and my brother, we cannot intrude on them.”

The doctor turned to them and nodded, Sherlock looked at his brother, his eyes big and scared to be left alone with John and the doctor. Mycroft gave him a nod with a small smile, he knows his brother will be okay and he showed the pride in his eyes, Sherlock visibly calmed down. As Greg passed he squeezed Sherlock’s shoulder, and he calmed even more. John didn’t acknowledge them as they left.

 

Once they were outside they made their way down the path. Greg stopped in his tracks, his hand still in Mycroft’s. Mycroft felt the pull and stopped to turn around. Greg had a big smile on his face.

“Did you hear that…Sherlock…wow….” Mycroft allowed himself a smile, they waited years for this moment and didn’t think Sherlock would actually admit his feelings. It may have been unconventional but that was so Sherlock. His brother is going to be fine. John feels the same and they will finally be able to move forward.

“I know what you mean, that was some admission.”

“Do you think we should wait for them?” Greg asked, the happiness being replaced by worry and nervousness for his Sherlock. Mycroft smiled at that, Greg truly is the real caretaker between them.

“No. We had to go through the same turmoil and challenges they need to go through, we can be there for them, but we can’t go through it with them. It is something only they can do, besides through we are done with covering and protecting them?” Greg pulled a face and ran his hand through his hair.

“You’re right.”

“In that case, dinner?” Mycroft ask as he pulled out his phone. Greg stopped him.

"Sure, and instead of the car, can we take a walk; I really can do with a walk now." Mycroft put his phone away smiling.

"As you wish." Greg started walking down the street lighting up another cigarette he held out the packet for Mycroft who took one as well, they walked in silence until Mycroft cleared his throat.

"What's on your mind Gregory?"

"Your work, we haven't really talked about you being off from work and I understand you took a few days leave but they do know about all of this, the therapy and so on?"

"Yes, they are aware of it, I also have arranged with Dr. Jeffries that he keeps my superiors and Anthea up to date and I could've gone back to work already, I just didn't, I wanted to spend the time with you. However I might go back tomorrow, you already started today, so it is only within reason that I go back as well. I was briefly at the office to inform my parents but didn't stay the whole day." With their cigarettes finished Greg took Mycroft's hand as they walked.

"This past few days have been brilliant, but it only makes sense that we go back to the real life. I appreciate you taking the days off as well, it was good and most certainly what we needed. You probably can't wait to rule the free world again." Greg joke the last part and Mycroft laughed.

"I don't rule the free world Gregory."

"Yeah yeah... oh that reminds me, while your ruling and watching over London with your cameras, try to find us a the house we've been talking about, you will have much better luck than I will."

Mycroft tried to look deep in thought as he listened to Greg's words.

"It would be such a misuse of my resources but when needs must." He replied but the twinkle in his eyes gave away the mirth. Greg nodded playing along.

"I appreciate it.

 

The day finally came when Baker Street was inhabitable again - or as much it was before, with Sherlock you never know. He already moved most of his stuff that he managed to accumulate in Greg's apartment. This was his last morning. By the time Greg was up and made his way to the kitchen Sherlock was already awake sitting at the counter with a mug of tea. Greg was surprised to see him, it was obvious he hasn't slept the night before and as much as he wanted to ask him about the session, about John, he didn't. Sherlock looked up as he entered.

"I made coffee."

"Oh yes. Thank you." Greg took the coffee and swallowed as much as he could in one go. Sherlock watch him he obviously had something on his mind, Greg could relate.

"You slept here instead of my brother's place." He finally stated. Aah, that was it, Greg thought he didn't know Mycroft was called to an emergency meeting somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere, he always told Sherlock, yet this time he didn't. Greg sat down at the table.

"We were supposed to have had dinner but he got called out to some international emergency, he was supposed to go back to work today anyhow, so I caught up some work at the Yard and left late. I have no idea where to, but he did say he will call as soon as he gets the time. I'm sorry he didn't tell you, it was all so quick." Sherlock waved it away as if it was unimportant but Greg could see it bothered him.

"I think he just wanted to give you some time to deal with your own stuff and not worry about him." He tried. Sherlock looked at him with a smile; he knew Greg was trying to comfort him.

"Yeah well, everything is changing now isn't it?" He said to no one in particular. Greg decided to just go for it.

"That is true, how did it go after we left, you and John...how did he take it?"

Sherlock snorted and Greg smiled, it wasn't a total disaster then.

"We... John and I... had a clear...conversation or discussion." Greg waited for more and made a go on gesture with his hand.

"We agreed to take some time to establish our friendship and what we want from each other for the future. To start slowly...” He said the word slowly like Mycroft would say friends and love and a few other sentimental words and Greg couldn't stop smiling, yeah these two will be okay. Together within a month, he may not be the most caring man about John at the moment but his heart was bursting with pride for Sherlock.

"So he and Rosie are still moving back into Baker Street with you?"

"Yes. Of course. We may take things slowly but we are taking the time."

"That's good Sherlock I am happy for you." Sherlock nodded and stood up, for the first time since his stay he put the empty mug in the sink, he wanted to ask Greg about the stuff he said to John but didn't know how to start so he just stood there. Greg stood up as well and placed his empty mug next to Sherlock's.

"What is on your mind?" He asked but Sherlock didn't answer he wasn't ready to ask him, he wasn't ready to confront Greg about his fight with John so he just turned around and walked away. Greg frowned and followed him.

"Sherlock...." Sherlock ignored him and slammed the door close behind him as he left. Greg stood there in confusion wondering what Sherlock was thinking about when his phone rang. It was the Yard. Well life goes on as they say.

"Lestrade?"

Somewhere in a distant country Mycroft was impeccably dressed in his suit, his trusted assistant Anthea next to him. The meeting was important with a lot of people's life at stake and he realized yet again that his life, his problems were nothing compared to what he deals with in the world out there.

 

_if I didn't love you_

_I would look around for someone else_

_but every time I see you_

_you have the same effect_

_My heart starts missing a beat_

_My heart starts missing a beat_

_every time_

_Oh oh oh, every time_

 

By the time Greg arrived home it was just after seven and he was tired, he was working the whole catching up on paperwork, missing Mycroft and wondering about Sherlock. Truth be told he was feeling a bit lonely as he was alone for the first time in several days. He wasn't sad, he enjoyed Sherlock's company as he actually helped him dealing with some stuff, now however he was ready for this new chapter in his life, a new beginning and most importantly a new home with Mycroft. Putting on some music he started eating his take-out dinner.

Taking the last bite his phone rang and he smiled, Mycroft.

He frowned, his ex.

Seriously considering hanging up he answered.

"Lestrade."

"You still answer as if you're getting a call out."

"Annie. I didn't look at the screen, I am on call." He knew he was lying but wasn't in the mood for games, he can be polite but still cold.

"Oh, that's all right, how have you been?" He frowned irritated by her voice; he wanted the deep sensual voice of Mycroft.

"Good, very good. You?" He replied and stood up, taking his empty container to the waste basket.

"Oh good, yes, good as well."

"Is there a reason you're calling Annie?"

"Yes, I was wondering if we could maybe meet up for some coffee." Greg stopped walking back to the living room his gut was twisting, something was up, and he knew her long enough now to figure out when he's being played by her.

"I don't know hey, the last meeting didn't really end up on a good note, and I'm quite busy at the Yard..." He tried, he wasn't going to straight out be rude, and he did have some manners. Right then his doorbell rang. Greg walked over to the door and opened it to see her standing there. She was waving and smiling broadly.

"Surprise!" Greg hangs up his phone looking at her with suspicion.

"What are you doing here?" He asked and made no attempt to let her enter.

"Well..." She started platonically and went on. "...I know you are always so busy so I thought I might surprise you. Aren't you going to invite me in, shall we talk here at the door?" Greg relented and with a sigh he opened the door. Oh how he wishes Sherlock or Mycroft was here, Sherlock to be rude and put her in her place and Mycroft to show her how much better off he was without her. She waltzed in with a hip swaying and it was all he could do not to roll his eyes. She was wearing some tight jeans, a low cut halter neck top, sparkling earrings and her hair loose, he could smell the perfume and twisted his face, the floral assaulting his senses, he was so used to Mycroft's cologne that hers was a sharp contrast. He gave a small smile, Mycroft ruined him for anyone else ever again and he couldn't be happier about it.

She looked around at the flat and he was glad it was clean and well kept, not that he had anything to prove, he wondered what she would've done if Mycroft's stuff was here, especially the suit. She twirled around smiling broadly.

"Oh this is a nice flat honey."

He nearly did a double take

'Honey?!' what the f...

 

Mycroft was sitting in his hotel room, his mind on Greg and how he desperately wanted to go home, he really misses the man. He gave a long sigh as he worked on his laptop, busy with some report when he received the notification. Opening the tab he read the report. Gregory had a visitor and it wasn't Sherlock or John, in fact it was his ex. Mycroft fumed, anger radiating from him, what is she doing there? He knew he shouldn't, he trust Greg but he couldn't help himself, he logged on to the security to access the transmission, Greg's flat was still bugged and he could hear the whole conversation.

For a minute or so he didn't hear anything but could hear the door close, a few second later her voice come rang out.

"Oh this is a nice flat honey."

Mycroft gasp in revulsion. 'Honey' did she just dared to call his fiancé honey, the low life cretin...

"Thanks, I didn't realize I needed your approval." Mycroft smiled at that.

"Oh, you’re still a charmer and here you are all alone...anyway... aren't you going to offer me something to drink, some beer, wine...?" He could practically feel his body vibrate with anger and he could sense Greg's frustration, he wanted her gone but was too well mannered to chase her away. What on earth does she want to celebrate with Greg? He could hear him walking to the fridge, Greg always has beer and if he is not mistakes, there should be some wine as well, they shared a bottle the other day, it was a very good wine.

"I have some beer." Greg replied.

"Oh that just have to do, shame you don't have wine." She replied.

"Yeah, tragedy, but I don't spend much time here anyway, and beer does keep longer." Mycroft smiled, she must be stupid because even he can hear the lie in that, yes he doesn't spend much time there, but there is definitely wine in that fridge.

Greg opened the can and handed it to her.

"No glass?"

"Are you staying that long?" Greg asked, deadpanned. He could hear her sigh and taking a sip out of the can. Greg moved to the other side of the wall.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"Listen honey..."

"Don’t call me honey... I'm not your honey." Greg wanted to yell that he is in fact ‘dearest’ he is Mycroft's dearest and Mycroft is his 'love' in every sense of the word.

"You were always so direct."

"Annie." Greg's voice was firm; he wasn't in the mood for games.

"I missed you okay, and I'm single and then I realized all those years we were together, we had some good times didn't we? I mean you were always at work, but when you were with me, it was great and I realize that I'm ready, and want to have more." Mycroft and Greg frowned at the same time, Mycroft got a dreadful feeling, there is only one 'more' he can think of and it is breaking him all over again. He was right.

"Kids. A family, a real family, you. Me and children, imagine a small brown eyed boy as two playing football."

Mycroft would swear the room was just doused in ice. He knew Greg's weakness was kids, he always wanted it, she knew where to hit the hardest. He hated her. He didn't want to hear Greg's reply; he wouldn't be able to deal with it.

It felt as if the silence went on forever until Greg laughter filled both rooms, Mycroft eyes widen his mouth opened in shock.

"Kids. Are you joking?" He asked when he finally got his laughter under control.

"I'm serious Greg, I know you always wanted a big family and yes I made mistakes but I truly think we can be happy, look around you live alone you are single, so am I, it has to be a sign right?"

"Of your delusions yes." Greg spat, all signs of laughter gone. Mycroft could hear the coldness in Greg's voice. He only used that voice the other day on John.

"Excuse me?" She yelled. Greg didn't answer; instead he walked closer to her.

"I don't know what your idea was coming here, but let me help you out. You are wasting your time and more importantly, mine." Mycroft couldn't hide the emotion as Greg said that, he chose him, not the family so desperately wanted but him.

"What?" Annie asked and both she and Mycroft listened as Greg replied.

"You thought wrong, I may not have told you but frankly it is none of your business, I am in fact engaged, I'm moving out in the next few weeks with my fiancé. I'm sorry if you came here under the wrong illusion, but let’s face it, our whole marriage was an illusion, we married young; we thought it was love, but it wasn't. we were in love yes, but I know now that love is more that we had, we only had the tip of the mountain and what I have with my fiancé is more real than anything. We have come from so far and went through so many battles and obstacles that I know what we have are is Love, the real Love that will always survive. And even though I wish i was a dad, I don't need kids to feel complete or to complete my relationship. What I have with my fiancé is complete on its own. With him I never have to feel second or incomplete or inferior because love the real Love conquers all of that. We also have a baby niece to help raise and to care for, so I will have a small chance of playing dad, even if it is only babysitting. What we had, will never measure up, and I really think you should leave." The room was quiet; tears were running down Mycroft's cheeks. Annie was furious; she put the beer on the table.

"I hate you." She spat before she left, slamming the door that even Mycroft could feel his ears vibrate. The report forgotten, his mind and heart was with Greg who he knew was feeling pretty much broken. He could hear Greg locking the door and then the window opened.

Greg was beyond emotional, he felt free, tired angry and heartbroken all at once. He opened the door in the hopes that he can get rid of her scent in the place, picking up her can he poured the beer down the drain and disposed of the can. Next he took a beer for himself and went back to his music collection. Picking a cd he liked he put it in and raised the volume. A song from Guns n' Roses 's album '”Appetite for destruction” blared through the speakers covering the room. He sat on the sofa, the beer in his hand, the phone close and waited....

 

_Every time_

_I hear your heart beat next to me_

_I'm in love with you_

_I mean what I say_

_I'm in love with you_

_and you don't know_

_what it means to be with you_

 

 

Mycroft was still staring at his phone, even though the conversation ended several minutes before, he could hear Greg moving in the flat and his choice of the music clarified his mood, he was angry. He would have to call him, but he was worried his voice could be trembling, his hands were still shaking, he felt he had been so close to lose him again, this time against something he could never provide for. He knew how Greg missed to not have children, it was a fault he charged his wife for, not for the cheating any more, but he could still be a father. He feared for a while that Gregory would have chosen the woman, but instead he chose him, how could he deserve all this unconditional love? Not to mention that speech, he was so glad for his memory as that is going straight to his mind palace, to play on and endless loop. Taking a breath he stilled his hands and picked up his phone. He only had to press on speed dial button.

"The voice was so different from a few minutes ago, it was happy, glad.

"Hi Love."

"Good evening Gregory, hope I didn't wake you?" Mycroft tried and congratulated himself on sounded normal.

“Not at all, I was listening to some good music and drinking a beer, I miss you My”

“I miss you too; I should be back tomorrow evening” Mycroft feel the smile. His heart melted with the idea that Greg can't wait to see him again.

“Good, you could pick me up here or at the Yard if you'd like? Just let me know so I can be ready."

"I'll do that. Oh I was wondering, I saw some big fluffy plush toys at the airport here, do you think Rosie would like one?" He asked he was looking for anything to just keep hearing Greg's voice, to somehow provide comfort for him.

"I'm sure she will love it Love, she may still be a baby but if it’s big fluffy and cuddly and colorful she will like it. And I think it will match the Baker Street décor to a fault." He joked and Mycroft softly chuckled.

"Oh and Love?"

"Yes?"

"You don't need to hide your question behind a plush toy; I know you heard the whole thing." Mycroft sighed.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to deceive you, and the bug wasn't there to control you or watch you."

"I know. I never meant to hide anything from you, and even though we never talked about my desire for being a dad, I know you deduced it years ago but never mentioned it and I didn't want you to hear that out loud to be honest." Greg's voice has become soft and full of a sad longing that he tried to hide.

"I understand, the bug was placed years ago when Moriarty threatened you, I just never removed it and only received a notification about it tonight. I will destroy it when I get back. I'm sorry."

"I know, we should've talked about this years ago, but I really don't want to and if it is okay with you we can just forget this happened and considered the issue close and move on from it, can we do that?"

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Okay. Sleep well Love. Love you."

"Sweet dreams my dearest. Love you too."

Greg smiled at that, he love it when Mycroft calls him dearest, switching off the stereo he made his way to his bedroom, he was tired, it was some evening. The only image he now has to get out of his mind was the small brown eyed boy with a ball in his hands. He had Mycroft and he meant what he said. Love conquers all.

 

_Every time I see you_

_no matter what we do_

_there's a strange reaction_

_Can you feel it too?_

 

_My heart starts missing a beat_

_My heart starts missing a beat_

_every time_

_Oh oh oh, every time_

_Oh oh oh_

 

Mycroft was happy and excited when he got back to London, as promised he bought the biggest pink plush toy he could find. he made his way to the car. He is going to pick up Gregory and he would be truly home.

"Stuck in London traffic, should I pick you up at the Yard or flat? MH"

The replay was swift.

"The Yard please. Packing up. Can't wait to see you. GL"

 

Ten minutes later Greg was closing his pc and preparing to go when he heard someone knocking at the door, he did not want to lose time as he needed to go and yelled without looking up.

"Be quick, I must go!”

He heard the door open and close again, Greg didn't look up until the man spoke.

"Good evening Detective Inspector, could I ask you for a date, tonight?”

 

_Every time_

_I hear your heart beat next to me_

_I'm in love with you_

_I mean what I say_

_I'm in love with you_

_and you don't know_

_what it means to be with you_

 

_Oh oh oh, every time_

_Oh oh oh, every time_

 

_(Heart – Pet Shop Boys – Actually - 1988)_

 


	16. I feel you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every life is a story not yet told, with a beginning, a middle and a end. We all fight a battle, seen or unseen, a battle to face the past, the present or the future. The battle of the past can only be faced when face the present, the battle of the future can be fought only when we face the present and that may make the present more powerful than we give credit.   
> When the past is no longer holding you back, the future become alive with new possibilities.

I Feel You

 

Chapter 16

 

On that thursday afternoon Mycroft stood in the corner of the room, his watchful eye keeping track of the people as they moved his furniture out. It has been two weeks since the session with Dr. Jeffries and Greg's outburst. He has spoken to his brother briefly in that time but hasn't actually seen him. In a way, it felt strange because he wished he could actually sit down with Sherlock and discuss the events that took place. Most definitely about his love declaration to John.

Sherlock will be okay; he has survived two years in exile and most certainly will survive this. He sounded good over the phone and he even texted Mycroft out of his own will. That in itself was an accomplishment and miracle that Mycroft was not going to deny himself.

 

He found a new house for him and Greg in a very good area, close to their jobs, the nearest tube station as well as walking distance to a park. It was big and old, with a lived-in feeling that they both adored. It was also renovated to suit both their needs and even had a small backyard.

It was perfect for the both of them. He already had his security updated and his new address was on the system and the security measures are being installed as he stands here in his old house. Most of the furniture and boxes were already gone, this is the last load. He waited till they were finished before he made his way up the stairs. The last check to make sure everything is indeed gone. He started with the furthest room, opening the wardrobes, cupboards every nook and cranny to make sure there was nothing. He also made sure all the windows was close as he left a room he closed the door, before moving on to the next one.

The last rooms upstairs were their bedroom. He walked in and sighed, he originally kept uncle Rudy's inheritance for his big emptiness; the room was his safe heaven from the world, the bed big and lonely until Greg came in. He filled it with his presence and laughter. He moved to the bathroom to make sure there were no water marks; the faucets were tight and so on. He stopped in the middle of the bathroom, his eyes on the shower. It was a big walk in one with one of those big round sprays. Greg loved it the first time he saw that.

 

oOo

Mycroft thought back to that first time he brought Greg here. They couldn't wait until they reached the bedroom or the bed and had a very quick session on the stairs. Just to get the rush out of their system before moving on to the bedroom.

Greg was undressing as he walked and Mycroft didn't mind. When he finally reached the bathroom he was standing in just his boxers, a dark blue cotton one that Mycroft wanted to remove as soon as he could.

"Bloody hell, one would never want to leave the shower!" Mycroft didn't care for the shower, but the man in front of him, he undressed quickly behind Greg and then he pulled Greg's boxers down with one move.

"Wha..." Greg exclaimed turning around but Mycroft grabbed him and pushed him under the shower.

"Get in." He growled as he turned the water on. The hot water sprayed over their naked bodies and Greg let out an unbelievable long moan. Mycroft didn't know it was from the way Mycroft touched him or the water. He didn't really care and neither did Greg as he pulled Mycroft closer moving his kisses down his neck and sucked a love bite one his shoulder. He remembered Greg saying something about 'hot tempting freckles' but it got lost under the water and Mycroft's responding groan.

 oOo oOo

 

Mycroft shook himself out of the memory, his mind filling in the way the room looked back then, the mirror full of steam, Greg's hand against the mirror and both their voices above the running water. With a blush on his face, he turned around and walked back out. He and Greg can make new memories in their new house. He made sure the bathroom is big, the shower is big and most off all, the house was soundproof. Smiling to himself he closed the door and made his way downstairs.

His phone vibrated with a new text

 

 

 "Hey Love almost done? GL"

 

"Yes. The truck already left, I'm doing a final sweep to make sure everything is gone. Do you want me to pick you up at the Yard? MH."

 

"Nah, I'm already walking home. Can't wait to see you. GL"

"Neither can I....I remember our first shower. MH"

 

"Oh... You naughty man...bring wine and we can recreate one in my shower. GL"

 

"The wine is already in your fridge... So is dinner. MH"

 

"Thought you were my dinner? GL"

 

"Gregory. MH"

 

"Love you. See you soon. GL"

 

Mycroft shook his head and checked all the rooms downstairs before leaving. He locked the door behind him and got into the car. Three days. In three days he and Greg would officially be in their new home. These three days he is staying at Greg's place as he packs the last of his stuff as well. Most of his stuff is already at the new house, just some clothes, his bedroom, and the sofa was still there. Plus the little small stuff they might need for the three days. He can't wait to spend his new chapter, his new life with Greg in their new house. Husbands. Just the thought of it makes him smile.

 

I feel you

Your sun it shines

I feel you

Within my mind

You take me there

You take me where

The kingdom comes

You take me to

And lead me through Babylon

 

This is the morning of our love

It's just the dawning of our love

 

 

It was a Friday and Greg eyed the case in front. Of him. It was an eight Greg knew it, he needed Sherlock, he could if he really wanted to make more of an effort and resolve it alone, it would take more time, more work and he really didn't want it.

What he had been through in the past week, not well apart from Mary's death, had given him the chance to see his life more clearly, he came to the conclusion he didn't need to spend all his day following a case when it took one hour to Sherlock to close it.. he has always been workaholic but he came to the conclusion he deserved more than just work satisfaction, he didn't want to be any more the man his ex-wife described the evening she splashed in his flat, he felt to be different, giving different priority to his life, and he knew Mycroft thought the same.

He took the phone and dialed Sherlock's number

"It's an eight or as you would like to call it, three-patch problem Sherlock, I assume you could be interested, blood everywhere and Anderson is not on duty. Yeah, ten minutes? Ok”

Well, that was easy, he didn't even have to try that hard. As he waited he hoped John would be busy somewhere else. He wasn't really sure he is in the mood to see the doctor; they haven't spoken to each other again after that session.  He didn't want to.

Sherlock arrived alone on the murder scene in ten minutes and resolved it on one hour and a half, Greg won his bet with Donovan.

Sherlock closes the dossier and took his coat as he walked to the door; he stopped and then stood for a while before he finally turned around.

“I never had the opportunity to thank you for allowing me to live with you these past few weeks.

Greg looked surprised at that he didn't expect him to say thank you but was glad nonetheless.  Progress as they would say.

"Thanks, Sherlock, and you are welcome."

"If it is all right, can we come over tonight; we'll even bring a cake.  Mycroft is there with you right?"

"Yes, we move into the new house on Sunday, this is our last weekend, his stuff is already there. Wait…A cake Sherlock?  You would really bring a cake to thank me?”

“No of course not. It's John, He would like to talk to you and to Mycroft, so I was thinking a cake would be a good idea.”

Greg just nodded; he didn't trust himself to comment on that.  He waited less than ten seconds as Sherlock walked away before he called Mycroft. Apparently, they're having company tonight  

 

As promised the doorbell rang at eight. Mycroft opened the door and look at John and Sherlock standing with a big box in his hands "Cake" he said giving the box to his brother.  Mycroft allowed the surprise on his face to show before looking at them.

“Oh Cake… thank you, please enter your welcome.” They made their way in the living room and Mycroft placed the cake on the coffee table before joining Gregory in the kitchen

”it's a real cake, I thought Sherlock was joking”

“It’s John's idea; he has got the best ones, shows, clowns, cakes...”  Greg replied with sarcasm.  Mycroft could feel the unease on Greg and pulled him close, his arms around his waist.

“Gregory my dear, we've already decided to move forward it, John is making an attempt."

"Yeah, I know...I'm trying...really..."

"Okay."

"Let's just get through tonight and take it from there."

Gregory took the tray with tea and entered into the living room where they guests were waiting. "Thank you for the cake guys, it seems real and not one of you fake experiments Sherlock!"  Greg joked as he eyed the chocolate cake with the buttercream icing.  It looked delicious.   John and Sherlock eyed one another before John spoke.

“I... we... Had a long talk last day...you were right Greg, there were a lot of things I didn't know”

“It was my fault” Sherlock added.

”I shouldn't wait so long to tell him the truth about the fall from the roof, any way you sorted it out by accident, Lestrade"  Greg looked more at ease as he looked at them, his eye catching Mycroft's every now and then.

“Yeah, and when I talk with My he explained to me that you were the main target John, the one under strict control, I couldn't tell you anything” Gregory explained.

“And then it was my fault again”

Sherlock spoke staring at them, john nodded and spoke again

"I now know it, but I have to apologize anyway because my grief made me felt so envious, and it made me so blind about Mary, doctor Jeffries said the truth, that bad choice was mine, I saw you two so happy that I deeply needed to bury my feelings for Sherlock in someone else's body. When Sherlock came back I could not accept my feelings towards him, I've been so stubborn I should not propose to Mary, I should let the time repair my wounds. I have to apologize because the jealousy about what you two had made me blind."  Greg looked down; he could understand that he has seen some of the things grief does to a person. He knows exactly how it can change a person.  John took the silence as permission to go on.

"I felt so sorry Greg, what you told was true, I have to thank Mycroft because he tried to save my life, what you told me? " an ordinary man nothing to deal with him to dazzle with his cleverness?"  He looked towards Mycroft, remembering that fateful day.  Mycroft nodded and replied.

“I couldn't tell my brother you were his only chance to be human. Even if as he told in those circumstances, my Lady Bracknell was more convincing"

Greg didn't what to say after that after all, isn't that what he wanted to hear?  The point he was trying to make the other day?  Yet for some reason, he wanted to hold on to that, that anger, but he couldn't.  As Mycroft said earlier they have to move on, and as much as he wants to furious he couldn't be, not now.  Not after all the progress, Mycroft had made these past few weeks, and Sherlock, he has grown considerably these past few weeks as well.  He can't be the one that in standing in the way of progress now.  He sighed and turned to John.

"I'm going, to be honest, a small part is still very pissed at you, and I understand where you are coming from, grief changes a person just like any other emotion.  The main thing is, you should not apologize to me, but to Mycroft....now I know he is going to wave it away as nothing...still if you learned from this and will be better...adjusted to a situation in the future then I can't keep this against you, also, you are very lucky I packed most of my cutlery and baseball bat...oh that reminds me, we probably only have spoons to eat the cake with."   Greg replied and stood up as he turned to the kitchen and looked down at the cake.  

John just nodded at that and allowed the barest of smiles to form.  It was as if they somehow reached a standstill in the room.   Mycroft seeing the tension smiled and stood up.   He walked towards the kitchen and came back with the ruler.  Greg frowned.

"The one drawer you were using as a 'let’s through everything in it' drawer had a stack of plastic cutlery and this broken rule for some reason."  Greg smiled it was a bit unconventional but still a good idea.  He looked at the plastic forks. Four grown men eating cake with plastic cutlery.

"You can always use your sword,” Sherlock stated, giving his brother a fake smile.

"I'm not ruining that with buttercream brother mine,” Mycroft replied and Sherlock snorted.  It seemed to break the ice further as Mycroft bend down to the table to start cutting it.   

"Did I ever tell you that Sherlock once ate a whole cake when he was four? It was before his fifth birthday and he climbed on the cupboard where the cake was hidden, we found him in the middle of the night, sitting on the table covered in cake."  Greg and John snorted at that and Sherlock pretended to be offended.

"It was an experiment." He tried to defend himself but that only caused them to laugh harder.   It was strange usually, Greg or John was trying to calm the atmosphere but this time it was Sherlock and Mycroft.  Greg felt a stab of guilt, they were trying they all were, he really should let go of his anger towards John.  John had stood up and looked at one of the boxed to the side that said 'plates'.  He took out four.

He handed it to Mycroft

"Here, this should help."  Mycroft took it with a smile.

"Thank you, Dr. Watson."  John sat down. He waited until Mycroft have handed each of them a plate it was a sight to see, the four men eating cake in a nearly bare room, boxed stacked at one side and the four of them on the sofa.  Mycroft handed John his last and John took it but used his other hand to stop him Mycroft from pulling away.

"John.  And....thank...you...for...everything." Mycroft looked at John for a moment, reading the apology, the guilt, the regret and nodded. 

"You're welcome...John."   Greg and Sherlock were eyeing each other at the display.  They both knew this was a pivotal moment in their relationship, between Mycroft and John, they have reached an understanding of some sort, some mutual respect.  If Greg wanted more, he was not going to get it, but he didn't mind, this was as good as he was going to get, and it was enough.  

Mycroft waited the whole moment for Sherlock to make a remark about his weight, about him eating cake but it didn't come, instead he asked about the new house, how quick Greg would be to show up at Baker Street if he demands his attention to which Greg made a loud "Oi'  but was all smiling. 

Mycroft could see that Sherlock was really interested, that he cared that his brother was moving on yet at the same time a bit sad that he hasn't seen the place yet.  Mycroft put down his plate and got up.

"Sherlock, come with me please."  He asked and Sherlock glanced at John and Greg before he put his plate down and followed Mycroft into the bedroom.  He looked at the suitcase of Mycroft in the corner, his suit hanging in the wardrobe his products on the bedside table.  His brother really did seem happy.  He watched as Mycroft opened the bedside drawer and took a box; it was wrapped with black paper with a single white ribbon on top.  Mycroft handed it to him.

"This is for you." 

Sherlock wanted to make a snarky remark about presents instead he just sat on the edge of the bed and opened the lid.  Inside was a book and on top of it a key. 

"What is this?" 

Mycroft sat down next to him.

"You are my little brother and I really do love you.  I want you to know that it doesn't matter where I live, or with whom, you will always be welcome and our new house is yours as well, that is a key to our new home.  You are already part of the security detail and you can come and go as you please...and John."  Sherlock picked up the key and accepted it for what it is, a gift from his brother to let him know, he will always be there for Sherlock, but he is finally living for himself now.  He smiled and put it in his pocket.  He picked up the book.  He read the title and before he could say anything Mycroft put his hands on top of Sherlock's on the book.

"I know what happened was tragic and horrible and you most likely never want to hear another pirate story ever, but I saw this and thought that you could read it to Rosamund and so remember that it was not all bad, that you and Victor had some very lovely days of playing and fun.  That not everything was filled with pain, that you could maybe remember the good, and let keep that close."    Sherlock didn't say anything but Mycroft could see the tears welling up in his eyes, the slight tremble in his hands.  Mycroft didn't think twice and pulled Sherlock close into a hug.  Sherlock half fell into his brother's arms, holding him tight.

 

 

 

On Saturday evening, Mycroft and Greg were sitting on the sofa, both with a slice of cake.  Sherlock and John left the whole thing there the previous night and after they did the rest of the packing up they rewarded themselves with some cake...or more correctly...Greg did the packing as Mycroft lend his expert supervision skills.   Nearly everything was packed up, ready for the movers the Sunday.  Since it was Mycroft's people the fact that it was a Sunday weren't a problem.

"This is really good cake," Mycroft commented and Greg nodded.   Mycroft looked at Greg.

"You are still angry at John."

"Yes, I will get over it, it will take some time that is all, this and last night was a good start."  Greg pointed to the cake. 

"He did apologize, and he is making an effort."

"So am I, I'm just not going to buy him a cake.  By the way, what did Sherlock say about the key and book?"

Mycroft thought back to the evening, to his brother's reaction and smiled.  He looked at Greg who was watching him with a fond smile.

"I think my brother and I reach a new understanding of our relationship. The key and what it symbolizes will allow him to grow and be more open towards us, and as for the book.  He appreciated it; I know he will keep it close."

Greg loved this look on Mycroft so carefree and content, happy as if a big weight is finally off his shoulders and he can focus on a new beginning, which is what they are going to do.  The cake was nearly finished on his plate and Greg looked at Mycroft, the smile turning wicked.  He waited until Mycroft looked at him and took a very long seductive bite of the cake from the fork and Mycroft rolled his eyes.

"It is not so impressive when it's a plastic fork, Gregory."  

Greg chuckled and shrugged.

"You know Love, I've been thinking."

"Oh, is that what it was, here I thought it was some attempt at seduction."

Greg put his empty plate on the small table and turned in his seat so he could look at Mycroft.

"I don't need to try and seduce you, especially with cake...." 

"Yet I love you try all the different way... But as you were telling me you have been thinking."

"It is our last night in this flat...tomorrow evening it is our own new home..."

"I'm aware,” Mycroft said taking the last bite of his cake and looked at him.  

"Is there a reason you are stating the obvious?" 

"We should have wild and loud sex to mark the occasion."

"Is that so?"

"It's a milestone."  Greg tried and made his way over to Mycroft who leaned back all smiling as he accommodates Greg over his lap.

"You are the most breath-taking man I have ever met, and whatever it is I do to deserve someone like you, I will keep doing it.  That being said, we are not having loud and wild sex on this sofa tonight, or the bed." 

Greg pulled away from his face in a big pout.

"Oh come on."

"No."

"Myyyy." 

"Are you seriously whining now?"   Mycroft laughed as he pulled Greg closer.  He could see that Greg wasn't really upset and pulled him just so that they were lying close and snuggled together.

"I love you Gregory and I can't wait to spend this new chapter of my - our - lives together.”  

"Me too."  Mycroft kissed the top of Greg's head and snuggled closer as they just hold each other.  Greg waited a full five minutes before his hand started exploring Mycroft's body, up and down his side, his thigh, the inside up....up...

"Gregory..."  Mycroft whispered, his breath caught in his throat.  Greg lifted his head, smiling innocently as his hand touched a very sensitive spot.   Mycroft dug his fingers in Greg's back. 

Greg just chuckled softly as he pulled Mycroft closer and kissed him.  Mycroft somehow shifted so he was on top of Greg.

He gave Greg a predatory smile. 

It is a good thing they moved out the next day....

 

 I feel you

Your heart it sings

I feel you

The joy it brings

Where heaven waits

Those golden gates

And back again

You take me to

And lead me through oblivion

 

This is the morning of our love

It's just the dawning of our love

 

Greg and Mycroft stood in the middle of the living room, looking around the new house, their furniture was still all over the place but it was theirs.  It was all theirs.  Mycroft and Greg stood with the exact same starlight smiles as they looked at it.  It was amazing.  The waited till the door closed behind him when Mycroft turned to Greg and went down on his knee. 

"Love?"

Mycroft pulled out a small box from his inner jacket.  As he opened it, there together, next to one another were two golden bands.  Greg crouched down on his knee as well.

"This is a proposal, you should stay standing."  Greg took Mycroft another hand.

"You already proposed once and I said yes."

"There were no rings."

"I still said yes. I will always say yes." 

Mycroft eyes filled with tears as he looked at Greg, their joined hands, and the two matching rings.

Greg put his hand on Greg's covering the rings.

"And I will never stay standing when you are down.  If you go down, I will get down and bring you up."  As to prove a point he stood up pulling Mycroft with him so they were standing together, close.

"We will always stand together, kneel together, cry together, laugh together and live together." 

Mycroft didn't wipe the tear running down his eyes.  He nodded.  Greg is right. Together.

 

I feel you

Your precious soul

And I am whole

I feel you

Your rising sun

My kingdom comes

I feel you

Each move you make

I feel you

Each breath you take

Where angels sing

And spread their wings

My love's on high

You take me home

To glory's throne

By and by

 

This is the morning of our love

It's just the dawning of our love

 

(I Feel you – Depeche Mode - Songs of Faith and Devotion 1993)

 


	17. The greatest hits of Mystrade,  the songs.

  Chapter 1:   Do you believe in shame? - Duran Duran- Big Thing- 1989)

Chapter 2:  Miles Away / The Truth Is"- Depeche Mode- Sound Of Universe- 2009

Chapter 3:  November Rain – Guns 'n Roses -Use Your Illusion I -1991

Chapter 4:  Shake the disease – Depeche Mode – The Singles 81-85, 1985

Chapter 5:  Set fire to the rain – Adele -”21”-2011

Chapter 6:  Somebody That I Used To Know" – Gotye (feat. Kimbra)-Making Mirrors - 2011

Chapter 7:  Soothe My Soul – Depeche Mode- Delta Machine - 2013

Chapter 8:  The Promise You Made- Cock Robin 1984

Chapter 9:  Still falling for you- Ellie Goulding- “Bridget Jones's Baby Original Soundtrack -2016

Chapter 10: Try - P!nk -The Truth About Love - 2013

Chapter 11: Broken -  Depeche Mode – Delta Machine-2013

Chapter 12: Hey Brother – Avicii – True 2013

Chapter 13: Amazed – Lonestar -Lonely Grill – 1999  * You're still the one –Shania  Twain- Come On Over-1998

Chapter 14: Losing My Religion – R.E.M – Out Of time - 1991

Chapter 15: Heart – Pet Shop Boys – Actually - 1988

Chapter 16: I Feel you – Depeche Mode – Songs of Faith and Devotion-1993

 

 


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